Alright, so I'm going to "vomit" all over you, and spill my guts. :)
My discipline has gone completely out the window!! I suppose this is one of the symptoms I display when depressed. Though I am feeling better (not great, but better), it seems the lack of discipline is sticking with me.
I'm having trouble making time in the morning for God. I'm having trouble with my eating and my sleeping (while those may not seem like bad things, they are when I over-indulge, and that is my issue right now). Even my spending is starting to spin out-of-control! And I just feel hopeless, like there is nothing I can do to get back on track.
So, as you can see, I could really use your prayers right now. I know that God is in all of this, somehow, yet I can't seem to see Him. I want to desire Him and His Word above all, but right now I just want to eat, sleep, and shop. Sounds a bit like a baby, doesn't it? UGH! That's what I feel like I'm being right now.
On top of this, I am trying to prepare for a lesson I'm teaching on June 13 for our church's Summer Bible Study for women. I'm trying to get homework written for the lesson, and I'm trying to get going for the fall study I'm writing . . . it all just seems like too much, and I'm beginning to wonder if it will happen at all. So, I'm just having to completely trust God to work in and through all of this, somehow. I know God will do it. I know He will.
OK, sorry to completely rain on your parade today. Like you don't have enough of your own problems to think about, now I've dumped all of mine on you. The really silly thing is that my problems really aren't very problematic at all, in the whole scheme of things. When compared to what people in other countries face, my stuff seems so stupid. Yet, these problems are mine, and that makes them more difficult, miserable, and, well, mine. I feel like they are affecting my effectiveness for God, and I really HATE that!!
Well, I'd better let you go . . . I need to get my daughter ready for a birthday party and get on with my day. May you be blessed today in all that you do!
Love - Andrea
PS - Thanks for listening - I feel so much better! :)
Showing posts with label God's Plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Plans. Show all posts
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
30 Years Old!
I'm 30 today . . . I feel like it should be affecting me more. Really, I think I'm looking forward to it - after-all, 30 is the age of spiritual leadership in Jewish culture. I can't wait to see what God has in-store for me. David became king at 30 and Jesus began His public ministry at 30 as well. Not that I am any David, and certainly no Jesus, but I figure God can do anything . . .
In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .
Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.
Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."
Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!
Thanks for listening!!
In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .
Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.
Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."
Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!
Thanks for listening!!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Where To Start??
Hello friends!
It's been a while, hasn't it?? I finished up teaching my Bible Study in April, and launched directly into serving at my church's women's retreat. It has definitely been a season of heavy ministry, fruitful ministry, and exhausting ministry. I have stopped blogging, mainly because I didn't think I had anything profound to say. Then I realized that sometime you don't need to hear something profound, you just need to know that even when nothing profound is happening, life goes on, and so does our faith.
I am actually dealing with some depression. Seems to be common for me when I come out of a season of ministry. I think perhaps this is my time of pruning and shaping. It's time for God to go in and cut off all the dead branches, and trim back the growth I've experienced, all so that I can be that much more fruitfull come this fall. I don't know . . . that's just what it feels like. I am dealing with some issues in my life that I thought I had handled - some feelings that I thought were dealt with . . . apparently I was wrong. I think, perhaps, they were simply suppressed and now the events have come around pulling them up to the surface as God says "It's time - let's deal with this!!" UGH!!! (That is me throwing a fit at the foot of the throne. . . don't worry, He's used to it, poor chap!!)
Anyway, I hope to visit with you more often . . . I'm not even sure you're out there anymore. But if you are, it's good to have you there. Maybe I'll even have a profound thought or two that I can share. In the meantime, let's just do life together, learn from each other, and encourage and challenge each other, shall we??
All my love - Andrea
It's been a while, hasn't it?? I finished up teaching my Bible Study in April, and launched directly into serving at my church's women's retreat. It has definitely been a season of heavy ministry, fruitful ministry, and exhausting ministry. I have stopped blogging, mainly because I didn't think I had anything profound to say. Then I realized that sometime you don't need to hear something profound, you just need to know that even when nothing profound is happening, life goes on, and so does our faith.
I am actually dealing with some depression. Seems to be common for me when I come out of a season of ministry. I think perhaps this is my time of pruning and shaping. It's time for God to go in and cut off all the dead branches, and trim back the growth I've experienced, all so that I can be that much more fruitfull come this fall. I don't know . . . that's just what it feels like. I am dealing with some issues in my life that I thought I had handled - some feelings that I thought were dealt with . . . apparently I was wrong. I think, perhaps, they were simply suppressed and now the events have come around pulling them up to the surface as God says "It's time - let's deal with this!!" UGH!!! (That is me throwing a fit at the foot of the throne. . . don't worry, He's used to it, poor chap!!)
Anyway, I hope to visit with you more often . . . I'm not even sure you're out there anymore. But if you are, it's good to have you there. Maybe I'll even have a profound thought or two that I can share. In the meantime, let's just do life together, learn from each other, and encourage and challenge each other, shall we??
All my love - Andrea
Monday, February 05, 2007
Paths
Psalm 121:7-8
The LORD will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
As much as I wish with all that I am that this verse was true all around, I have to come face-to-face with the fact that it is not. I have really been trying to look at Old Testament concepts and see them as spiritual concepts rather than physical, especially as a New Testament believer. It would be easy to see the promises that were physical for the Israelites, and believe them to be physical for me as well, but that is not necessarily true. And I desire to know what is true, not what I desire to be true.
This is one of those verses that would be easy to interpret as a promise encompassing all of life. Again, in some cases it may be true, however I know that many times it is the physical and emotional pain that causes the most growth in us. Yet, I do believe that God will keep us from all spiritual harm. OK, at this point I have to stop and wonder “what does that mean?”
I look at this passage and am reassured that no matter the situation, no matter the temptation, God will always offer us a path that is firm and free from slips and stumbles. He presents this path to us at every turn, every fork in the road. Now, whether we choose that path is another dilemma completely. However, the path is there for the traversing, should we choose it. And this path will keep us from stumbling, from sin, from spiritual harm.
God is watching over us. Not only does He watch over our physical “coming and going,” but I believe that He also watches over our spiritual “coming and going.” He sees us when we wane, when our hearts are far from Him, and our flame is barely even a spark. He sees us then, and He watches over us just as intently as when we are passionate and abandoned to Him. He watches over us with the eyes of a Father, a Lover, a Friend. Whether He feels near or far to us, whether we are aware of His presence or not, He is there, guiding us, watching us, and presenting us with the best possible path in our current circumstances.
Which path will you choose today?
The LORD will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
As much as I wish with all that I am that this verse was true all around, I have to come face-to-face with the fact that it is not. I have really been trying to look at Old Testament concepts and see them as spiritual concepts rather than physical, especially as a New Testament believer. It would be easy to see the promises that were physical for the Israelites, and believe them to be physical for me as well, but that is not necessarily true. And I desire to know what is true, not what I desire to be true.
This is one of those verses that would be easy to interpret as a promise encompassing all of life. Again, in some cases it may be true, however I know that many times it is the physical and emotional pain that causes the most growth in us. Yet, I do believe that God will keep us from all spiritual harm. OK, at this point I have to stop and wonder “what does that mean?”
I look at this passage and am reassured that no matter the situation, no matter the temptation, God will always offer us a path that is firm and free from slips and stumbles. He presents this path to us at every turn, every fork in the road. Now, whether we choose that path is another dilemma completely. However, the path is there for the traversing, should we choose it. And this path will keep us from stumbling, from sin, from spiritual harm.
God is watching over us. Not only does He watch over our physical “coming and going,” but I believe that He also watches over our spiritual “coming and going.” He sees us when we wane, when our hearts are far from Him, and our flame is barely even a spark. He sees us then, and He watches over us just as intently as when we are passionate and abandoned to Him. He watches over us with the eyes of a Father, a Lover, a Friend. Whether He feels near or far to us, whether we are aware of His presence or not, He is there, guiding us, watching us, and presenting us with the best possible path in our current circumstances.
Which path will you choose today?
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year!
Hello friends and co-laborers in Christ!
I pray your Christmas was wonderful and filled with the magic of Christ. I had a delightful time up north with my family and all the snow God sent our way. There were some truly humbling, magical times, there were some comical times (generally because yours truly was acting like a goofus), and some down-right embarrassing times (see parenthesis above). I think I can speak for my whole family when I say it was one of our best Christmases ever!
I have been resting, and thoroughly enjoying the break from all things ministry (mostly). I was able to do some reading and take some time to simply seek Jesus for me and me alone. It was not nearly long enough, and yet I am ready to jump back into the action!
So, here we are on the dawn of a new year. A year full of surprises – love, loss, joy, sorrow, great elation, and utter depression. I do not know what the year holds for me or you, but I am ready to go, aren’t you? Rather than making a New Year’s Resolution, I tend to spend this time of year reflecting on the year past and all that God brought me through, all that He taught me. Was the year a success or a failure? Did I do what I felt God had for me to do? Or did I turn tail and run?
I can almost always say that I should be “further” along than I am. I’m not sure I know a single person who doesn’t hesitate ever-so-slightly at least once in a while. Yet, when my year was a good one, full of spiritual fruit and prosperity, it’s always difficult to say “good-bye” and welcome a new beginning. Now, give me a bad year and I am always ready to walk away and have a new start. And somehow, that is exactly what it feels like, doesn’t it? Like opening a new book, or starting a new journal, a new year feels like a second chance, a way to reinvigorate life, and step out a little more boldly!
I had a wonderful year – oh, it had its down times, but it was overall very good. Yet, I am glad to wave it good-bye and see what 2007 has in-store. Good or bad, I know that God has great plans for me, and I can say that He has great plans for you as well. I love the thought that I am one more year mature (I finally hit 30 this year – talk about “mature” – HA!), I have one more year of experience under my belt, one more year of hanging out with Jesus. I also love that this puts me one year closer to seeing His sweet face in-person, and one year closer to realizing His purpose for my life.
My wish for each of us this year is that we would follow God’s plans for our lives wholeheartedly, with no hesitation. I pray that we would step out boldly, passionately, no matter the risk, no matter the blackness that haunts us and tells us to turn back. I pray that you and I would simply trust the One who knows the plan, taking His hand, all while thoroughly enjoying the company!
Happy New Year!
I pray your Christmas was wonderful and filled with the magic of Christ. I had a delightful time up north with my family and all the snow God sent our way. There were some truly humbling, magical times, there were some comical times (generally because yours truly was acting like a goofus), and some down-right embarrassing times (see parenthesis above). I think I can speak for my whole family when I say it was one of our best Christmases ever!
I have been resting, and thoroughly enjoying the break from all things ministry (mostly). I was able to do some reading and take some time to simply seek Jesus for me and me alone. It was not nearly long enough, and yet I am ready to jump back into the action!
So, here we are on the dawn of a new year. A year full of surprises – love, loss, joy, sorrow, great elation, and utter depression. I do not know what the year holds for me or you, but I am ready to go, aren’t you? Rather than making a New Year’s Resolution, I tend to spend this time of year reflecting on the year past and all that God brought me through, all that He taught me. Was the year a success or a failure? Did I do what I felt God had for me to do? Or did I turn tail and run?
I can almost always say that I should be “further” along than I am. I’m not sure I know a single person who doesn’t hesitate ever-so-slightly at least once in a while. Yet, when my year was a good one, full of spiritual fruit and prosperity, it’s always difficult to say “good-bye” and welcome a new beginning. Now, give me a bad year and I am always ready to walk away and have a new start. And somehow, that is exactly what it feels like, doesn’t it? Like opening a new book, or starting a new journal, a new year feels like a second chance, a way to reinvigorate life, and step out a little more boldly!
I had a wonderful year – oh, it had its down times, but it was overall very good. Yet, I am glad to wave it good-bye and see what 2007 has in-store. Good or bad, I know that God has great plans for me, and I can say that He has great plans for you as well. I love the thought that I am one more year mature (I finally hit 30 this year – talk about “mature” – HA!), I have one more year of experience under my belt, one more year of hanging out with Jesus. I also love that this puts me one year closer to seeing His sweet face in-person, and one year closer to realizing His purpose for my life.
My wish for each of us this year is that we would follow God’s plans for our lives wholeheartedly, with no hesitation. I pray that we would step out boldly, passionately, no matter the risk, no matter the blackness that haunts us and tells us to turn back. I pray that you and I would simply trust the One who knows the plan, taking His hand, all while thoroughly enjoying the company!
Happy New Year!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
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