I'm 30 today . . . I feel like it should be affecting me more. Really, I think I'm looking forward to it - after-all, 30 is the age of spiritual leadership in Jewish culture. I can't wait to see what God has in-store for me. David became king at 30 and Jesus began His public ministry at 30 as well. Not that I am any David, and certainly no Jesus, but I figure God can do anything . . .
In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .
Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.
Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."
Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!
Thanks for listening!!
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Where To Start??
Hello friends!
It's been a while, hasn't it?? I finished up teaching my Bible Study in April, and launched directly into serving at my church's women's retreat. It has definitely been a season of heavy ministry, fruitful ministry, and exhausting ministry. I have stopped blogging, mainly because I didn't think I had anything profound to say. Then I realized that sometime you don't need to hear something profound, you just need to know that even when nothing profound is happening, life goes on, and so does our faith.
I am actually dealing with some depression. Seems to be common for me when I come out of a season of ministry. I think perhaps this is my time of pruning and shaping. It's time for God to go in and cut off all the dead branches, and trim back the growth I've experienced, all so that I can be that much more fruitfull come this fall. I don't know . . . that's just what it feels like. I am dealing with some issues in my life that I thought I had handled - some feelings that I thought were dealt with . . . apparently I was wrong. I think, perhaps, they were simply suppressed and now the events have come around pulling them up to the surface as God says "It's time - let's deal with this!!" UGH!!! (That is me throwing a fit at the foot of the throne. . . don't worry, He's used to it, poor chap!!)
Anyway, I hope to visit with you more often . . . I'm not even sure you're out there anymore. But if you are, it's good to have you there. Maybe I'll even have a profound thought or two that I can share. In the meantime, let's just do life together, learn from each other, and encourage and challenge each other, shall we??
All my love - Andrea
It's been a while, hasn't it?? I finished up teaching my Bible Study in April, and launched directly into serving at my church's women's retreat. It has definitely been a season of heavy ministry, fruitful ministry, and exhausting ministry. I have stopped blogging, mainly because I didn't think I had anything profound to say. Then I realized that sometime you don't need to hear something profound, you just need to know that even when nothing profound is happening, life goes on, and so does our faith.
I am actually dealing with some depression. Seems to be common for me when I come out of a season of ministry. I think perhaps this is my time of pruning and shaping. It's time for God to go in and cut off all the dead branches, and trim back the growth I've experienced, all so that I can be that much more fruitfull come this fall. I don't know . . . that's just what it feels like. I am dealing with some issues in my life that I thought I had handled - some feelings that I thought were dealt with . . . apparently I was wrong. I think, perhaps, they were simply suppressed and now the events have come around pulling them up to the surface as God says "It's time - let's deal with this!!" UGH!!! (That is me throwing a fit at the foot of the throne. . . don't worry, He's used to it, poor chap!!)
Anyway, I hope to visit with you more often . . . I'm not even sure you're out there anymore. But if you are, it's good to have you there. Maybe I'll even have a profound thought or two that I can share. In the meantime, let's just do life together, learn from each other, and encourage and challenge each other, shall we??
All my love - Andrea
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
