I'm 30 today . . . I feel like it should be affecting me more. Really, I think I'm looking forward to it - after-all, 30 is the age of spiritual leadership in Jewish culture. I can't wait to see what God has in-store for me. David became king at 30 and Jesus began His public ministry at 30 as well. Not that I am any David, and certainly no Jesus, but I figure God can do anything . . .
In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .
Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.
Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."
Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!
Thanks for listening!!
Showing posts with label God's Voice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Voice. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2007
Saturday, January 06, 2007
An Answer...
Isaiah 65:24
And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.
I started using a brand new prayer journal today, and this is the verse on the first page. HA-HA!! Doesn't God have the greatest sense of humor? "Before they call, I will answer." (emphasis mine) Hmmm...
I've been talking about God not responding, and here He's responding back "I've already sent the answer."
I think, perhaps, that you and I get so wrapped up in talking to God and our expectations to hear an answer that sometimes we neglect to simply be silent and wait for it.
I remember when I was working and my daughter was 1-1/2 years old, I was desperate to be a stay-at-home mom. I would beg and plead with God daily to make it work. Finally, God was doing a work in my life, and I decided to stop pretending He didn't hear me. I simply told Him, "I would like to be at home with Regann by the time she is 2. You know my heart and my desires, I'm going to stop begging you for this, and just start waiting and watching for Your answer, trusting You to do what is right and what is best for all of us." Within that month we were told her daycare center would be shutting down. Then Chris was temporarily promoted to supervisor, making my working part-time (so we could take turns caring for her) nearly impossible to work out. My last day of work was August 13, 2003, Regann's 2nd birthday.
Yeah, we get so wrapped up in talking to God, pleading with Him, and tugging on His robes, that we forget to simply trust that He has heard us and start waiting and watching for the answer that is already on its way. It may not look like we expect (chances are it won't), but if we are quiet, and truly waiting on the Lord, we will know His answer when it comes, and it will be ever-more delightful than we anticipated!
And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.
I started using a brand new prayer journal today, and this is the verse on the first page. HA-HA!! Doesn't God have the greatest sense of humor? "Before they call, I will answer." (emphasis mine) Hmmm...
I've been talking about God not responding, and here He's responding back "I've already sent the answer."
I think, perhaps, that you and I get so wrapped up in talking to God and our expectations to hear an answer that sometimes we neglect to simply be silent and wait for it.
I remember when I was working and my daughter was 1-1/2 years old, I was desperate to be a stay-at-home mom. I would beg and plead with God daily to make it work. Finally, God was doing a work in my life, and I decided to stop pretending He didn't hear me. I simply told Him, "I would like to be at home with Regann by the time she is 2. You know my heart and my desires, I'm going to stop begging you for this, and just start waiting and watching for Your answer, trusting You to do what is right and what is best for all of us." Within that month we were told her daycare center would be shutting down. Then Chris was temporarily promoted to supervisor, making my working part-time (so we could take turns caring for her) nearly impossible to work out. My last day of work was August 13, 2003, Regann's 2nd birthday.
Yeah, we get so wrapped up in talking to God, pleading with Him, and tugging on His robes, that we forget to simply trust that He has heard us and start waiting and watching for the answer that is already on its way. It may not look like we expect (chances are it won't), but if we are quiet, and truly waiting on the Lord, we will know His answer when it comes, and it will be ever-more delightful than we anticipated!
Friday, January 05, 2007
God is Near
Perhaps it is my clogged ears, from my cold, but I still seem to be listening to a silent God. I had a friend write, commiserating with me about how it is difficult to pray and not hear anything in response. Or else not hear what you want to hear. Amen! I do not think the issue for me here is that God is not talking. I think perhaps, I'm just not listening to what He's trying to say. I'm not "hearing" what He's trying to communicate to me on so many different levels.
First, as a dear friend pointed out to me, I do not take very good care of myself. Even with a cold, I find that I am pushing myself beyond what I should. I need to give myself time to heal and gain strength. I need to take care of myself, otherwise what good am I to Him. I did, you'll be happy to know, start taking vitamins - multi, calcium, and even Omega 3 fatty acids (or something like that - basically fish oil, since we aren't much of a fish family). I think my body is hurting and aching far more than it should be at my age. I go and go and go until I cannot go anymore, and even then I go some more! God has been calling me to slow down, as I prepare to step into another busy season of ministry. Perhaps that is why He's being quiet, so I can get some sleep.
The other thing I need to remember (and I need to remind myself of this one at least once a month) is that this is a relationship. And just like any other relationship it is shifting, changing, in motion. It is growing. Perhaps God was so vivid and obvious to me at first because that is what I needed, that is what the relationship drew forth from Him. Now, however, we have grown more intimate, and so His musings are quieter. I don't know. I know that He is drawing me in, and bringing me along to where He needs me to be, and I have to trust that this is a part of that process. A part of my growth. Our growth into each other.
Whatever it may be, I know that God is here - I can never doubt that. I know that He is here, and that He loves each of us deeply. Every time I even think of questioning that, I just have to think back on my life over the last 7 years or so, and I can see His hand so vivid, so large, that there is no way I could every question Him or His activity in my life. I pray you can do the same!Be blessed, dear one, and wherever you may be on your journey, whether you are right where I am, were once here, are have yet to pass this way, take courage in knowing that God is not done with you yet! He is drawing each of us in to Himself and preparing us for what lies ahead, including eternal life by His glorious side!!
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
First, as a dear friend pointed out to me, I do not take very good care of myself. Even with a cold, I find that I am pushing myself beyond what I should. I need to give myself time to heal and gain strength. I need to take care of myself, otherwise what good am I to Him. I did, you'll be happy to know, start taking vitamins - multi, calcium, and even Omega 3 fatty acids (or something like that - basically fish oil, since we aren't much of a fish family). I think my body is hurting and aching far more than it should be at my age. I go and go and go until I cannot go anymore, and even then I go some more! God has been calling me to slow down, as I prepare to step into another busy season of ministry. Perhaps that is why He's being quiet, so I can get some sleep.
The other thing I need to remember (and I need to remind myself of this one at least once a month) is that this is a relationship. And just like any other relationship it is shifting, changing, in motion. It is growing. Perhaps God was so vivid and obvious to me at first because that is what I needed, that is what the relationship drew forth from Him. Now, however, we have grown more intimate, and so His musings are quieter. I don't know. I know that He is drawing me in, and bringing me along to where He needs me to be, and I have to trust that this is a part of that process. A part of my growth. Our growth into each other.
Whatever it may be, I know that God is here - I can never doubt that. I know that He is here, and that He loves each of us deeply. Every time I even think of questioning that, I just have to think back on my life over the last 7 years or so, and I can see His hand so vivid, so large, that there is no way I could every question Him or His activity in my life. I pray you can do the same!Be blessed, dear one, and wherever you may be on your journey, whether you are right where I am, were once here, are have yet to pass this way, take courage in knowing that God is not done with you yet! He is drawing each of us in to Himself and preparing us for what lies ahead, including eternal life by His glorious side!!
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Gone Missing
I sit here staring at my computer screen. The minutes are ticking by, yet nothing comes to me. I am blank. I ask God for something to share. Again, nothing. I stare some more, until I finally decide that I want to go to bed, and I'd better just start typing. My hope is that putting mere words on the page will loosen the plug in my brain and allow the great thoughts, full of wisdom and great knowledge to start flowing. HA! Alas, it does not work that way.
It occurs to me that lately I seem to have a lot of times when I am seeking God, and He seems to be silent. I ask for a message, and none comes . . . or at least not until the very last moment, leaving me sweaty and nervous, afraid that I'll mess up and forget something, due to my seeming lack of practice and preparation. Perhaps this is His way of keeping me clinging to Him throughout the message. I'm sure I have much to learn. I also think He gets a laugh out of it, because I inevitably spring a leak in my right arm pit and find myself looking like a T-Rex with an arm that can barely reach my nose, afraid to gesture freely and scare everyone within eye-shot of my arm-pit. (This is no lie, friends, you can ask my Bible study on Thursday nights. I have started buying and wearing jackets for this very reason. I've tried changing deodorant, to no avail. Again, I think God just likes to laugh at me sometimes. And I would imagine that I deserve it, somehow.)
Ah, but I digress. OK, so the whole point of this thought today is to simply commiserate with you over all the times we reach out to God and He seems to be absent. Aloof. Gone. Busy. Uncaring. Not felt that?? Well then, you're the lucky one! I sometimes wonder if I've tuned my ears to the wrong channel completely - God is screaming, but I just seem to be listening to the wrong guy. Why, I ask you? Why do I go through spells like this? It is miserable! There is nothing I miss more than the timbre of God's voice in my spiritual ear. I long for nothing outside of His heavenly breath on my neck as He speaks to me in words audible only to my heart. His presence warms me. His insight is sustenance for my body.
Yet, I wonder if there are times when I simply take Him for granted. His wisdom and guidance become normal, a nuisance to be obeyed or ignored. I run to Him only when I need a message, or devotional. I do not spend time listening apart from my ministry duties, or I fall into a pattern of not being awed by the fact that the God of the universe wishes to know me, love me, hold me, and speak to me. He is so far above me, and I should be nothing to Him. Yet, in fact, I am everything to Him. And so are you.
Tonight I miss Him. I miss Him desperately. And with each word I add to this page, I feel my heart pounding with longing for and the anticipation of the sweet whisper of Jesus. I can sense His approach . . . can you?
It occurs to me that lately I seem to have a lot of times when I am seeking God, and He seems to be silent. I ask for a message, and none comes . . . or at least not until the very last moment, leaving me sweaty and nervous, afraid that I'll mess up and forget something, due to my seeming lack of practice and preparation. Perhaps this is His way of keeping me clinging to Him throughout the message. I'm sure I have much to learn. I also think He gets a laugh out of it, because I inevitably spring a leak in my right arm pit and find myself looking like a T-Rex with an arm that can barely reach my nose, afraid to gesture freely and scare everyone within eye-shot of my arm-pit. (This is no lie, friends, you can ask my Bible study on Thursday nights. I have started buying and wearing jackets for this very reason. I've tried changing deodorant, to no avail. Again, I think God just likes to laugh at me sometimes. And I would imagine that I deserve it, somehow.)
Ah, but I digress. OK, so the whole point of this thought today is to simply commiserate with you over all the times we reach out to God and He seems to be absent. Aloof. Gone. Busy. Uncaring. Not felt that?? Well then, you're the lucky one! I sometimes wonder if I've tuned my ears to the wrong channel completely - God is screaming, but I just seem to be listening to the wrong guy. Why, I ask you? Why do I go through spells like this? It is miserable! There is nothing I miss more than the timbre of God's voice in my spiritual ear. I long for nothing outside of His heavenly breath on my neck as He speaks to me in words audible only to my heart. His presence warms me. His insight is sustenance for my body.
Yet, I wonder if there are times when I simply take Him for granted. His wisdom and guidance become normal, a nuisance to be obeyed or ignored. I run to Him only when I need a message, or devotional. I do not spend time listening apart from my ministry duties, or I fall into a pattern of not being awed by the fact that the God of the universe wishes to know me, love me, hold me, and speak to me. He is so far above me, and I should be nothing to Him. Yet, in fact, I am everything to Him. And so are you.
Tonight I miss Him. I miss Him desperately. And with each word I add to this page, I feel my heart pounding with longing for and the anticipation of the sweet whisper of Jesus. I can sense His approach . . . can you?
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