Abortion Ticker

If you check out the right hand side of my blog, you'll notice an abortion ticker. I know that this is a "hot topic" for some, for many different reasons . . . I am pro-life, as I would imagine you can guess, but let me go a little deeper with you regarding my heart in this issue.

It is true that I mourn the loss of life, but I know that child is resting in the sovereign hands of their Creator, so that always brings me peace in that regard. I actually mourn more for the woman who made the choice - for me, this ticker actually represents all the women who have been fooled, forgotten, and left for "dead" themselves.

I grieve so deeply for these women for so many reasons . . . most of them did not come to the choice of having an abortion easily. We often talk about using aborion as "birth control" and I am sure there are those out there who just get them, feel no remorse and go on with their lives (and what a trgedy that they have gone so far as to feel nothing in regard to the decision - I mourn their loss of innocence). Yet, most of these women have made this choice because they have been convinced by the enemy of their souls that they have no other choice. They walk into the clinic feeling as though they have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and somehow they feel that this will relieve their burden. All will be better when it is done . . .

Then, they walk out the back door feeling even worse, for Satan then turns the tables on them. He goes from convincing them that they have no other choice and that everything will be OK, to letting them know what a failure they are, what a wretched person, a murderer, etc, etc. I have yet to meet a woman who has had an abortion who hasn't been completely ruined by the choice. As each year passes and the due date comes and goes, they consider the age their child would have been, wondering what they would have been like - how they would have looked, what they would have liked, what color their eyes and hair might have been, what kind of personality, etc. The burden lays heavy on their hearts, getting heavier with each passing year - the enemy has them right where he wants them. They begin to assume that everything that goes wrong in their life is a result of this choice, sure that God is now out to get them (after-all, isn't that what most Christians would like for them to believe - that there is grace and mercy for us, but not them??)

I believe the most unfortunate part of this whole thing is that they end up feeling that there is nowhere they can go to talk about it. They cannot go to someone who is pro-choice, for surely they will just blow it off as no big deal, and wonder why they feel so bad about exercising their "right." While going to someone is pro-life is completely out of the question, for surely they will be blamed and judged and looked-down upon, finding no empathy or sorrow, no healing or forgiveness, no grace, mercy, or compassion. They feel stuck with their pain, completely alone.

So, when I consider myself pro-life, I am thinking as much (if not more) about the life of the woman making the choice, as I am about the child. When we pray about this matter, I believe we really need to take the time to think about the women, and all they are going through. We must pray for the mom and the baby, and even when the baby is gone, we must STILL be there for the mom, showing her that Christ is the only One who can truly help them heal from the great loss they have suffered!

God is Faithful!

Well, I taught last night, and just as I knew He would be, God was faithful!! I marvel at His faithfulness, despite all the ways I fall short. 2 Timothy 2:11-13 says, "Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." Generally it's tit for tat, but not in faithfulness . . . not in anything that is the character of God - love, grace, mercy, faithfulness . . . despite our lack of reciprocation, God cannot deny Himself, and that means He remains those things toward us, even when we don't return the favor.

WOW!

I am almost in tears, as I consider all that God has done (and is doing) for me, and those I know. I marvel that He can "put up" with me when I'm in such a funky mood! Yet, as my dear friend reminded me yesterday, I cannot go by how I feel, I must go by what I know. And I know that God is faithful, that He will see my through, that He is near, and that He is love. I'm such a "feely" person, yet my feelings betray me constantly.

And so I put my head down, and plow on. I stay in the Word, I keep talking to God, and I trust that He is using this time in my life to prepare me for whatever is next. It is a time of pruning - it hurts, but the resulting growth will be so worth it!

Otherwise, I'm getting ready to go back home for a while - to Wyoming. Oh, how my heart longs for "home" - I am truly a Wyoming girl at heart! I pray that it will be a time of rest and rejuvenation. I pray that God will renew my heart with His wild passion, so that I can then pass the passion along to all those around me . . . for passion is caught, it cannot be taught.

And though I may not know your name, I am praying for you. That God would prove Himself true and faithful in your life - whether you feel Him, or not; whether you believe in Him or not. :) That actually reminds me of my favorite movie line ever. It's from "The Count of Monte Cristo," and when the main character, Edmond, is in prison with a priest, the priest tells him to live for God, that it is His to avenge. Edmond replies "I don't believe in God," to which the priest says, "It doesn't matter, He believes in you."

God believes in you, and He believes in me . . . . that is the greatest miracle!

Self-Esteem

My heart breaks for people (especially women) these days, as we try to live up to this standard that has somehow been put into our heads. We have these notions of who we should be, and how we should look. Even as Christians we have this concept of how we should behave, and feel, and look, and talk, and live life. We begin to evaluate ourselves and compare ourselves to this standard . . . only to discover that we fall far short.

I am convinced that we need to stop looking at ourselves, and comparing ourselves to this standard or even to each other, and instead begin to look to God. We need to ask Him how He views us, how He loves us, how He esteems us. As Christians, we will discover that He esteems us much higher than we think He does, much higher than we tend to esteem ourselves. You see, He sees us through Christ, and in Christ we are perfect, righteous, and good. He is much more excited and delighted about our victories, than He is disappointed in our defeats.

I believe that anything "self" is simply pride - even "self-esteem." It is a focus on ourselves, instead of a focus on God. If only we can begin to see ourselves through God's eyes, instead of our own or those of the culture around us. It will be through this focus that we will find the confidence we so desire, as the radiance of God, Himself, will shine through us, drawing those around us toward the God who loves them so deeply and so passionately.

30 Years Old!

I'm 30 today . . . I feel like it should be affecting me more. Really, I think I'm looking forward to it - after-all, 30 is the age of spiritual leadership in Jewish culture. I can't wait to see what God has in-store for me. David became king at 30 and Jesus began His public ministry at 30 as well. Not that I am any David, and certainly no Jesus, but I figure God can do anything . . .

In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .

Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.

Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."

Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!

Thanks for listening!!

Consumed by God

Ephesians 4:30
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

My daughter is becoming ever-more curious about Jesus, sin, salvation, and everything in-between. We often talk about how we ask Jesus into our lives and hearts and live for Him. She insists she bowed her knee to him last April - I continue watching for the fruit of that transformation, and am beginning to see the little, baby spiritual buds popping out here-and-there.

Well, all this talk of "Jesus in our hearts" has got me thinking about that concept. I have been thinking about how we tend to live our lives as though we have taken Christ in and enveloped Him, making Him a part of us. We live as though He is our genie, called on in times of distress or despair; tucked away when we want to indulge in a "little harmless" sin (after-all, He'll forgive us!); molded into our version of Him (currently 6.0); loved and obeyed when it is easy and/or beneficial (church is a great place to make business contacts, after-all!).

However, it should be the other way around, shouldn't it? We need to be taken into Christ, enveloped in Him - in His way of living, His thoughts, His actions, His love. We are the ones that need to be molded to Him, calling on Him at all times, living in a constant awareness of His passionate love for us, resulting in obedience (even in the oh-so tempting moments) because we want to please Him and make Him proud! Just as Ephesians 4:30 says, He has sealed us, as though we have been bottled and corked by El Shaddai Bottling Inc.

We need to re-focus and re-think this: we have not taken Him in, doing Him some immense favor; He has taken us in, full of grace and mercy, love and compassion. So, the next thing we need to ask ourselves is this: Are we living lives having been completely consumed by God?

God is Near

Perhaps it is my clogged ears, from my cold, but I still seem to be listening to a silent God. I had a friend write, commiserating with me about how it is difficult to pray and not hear anything in response. Or else not hear what you want to hear. Amen! I do not think the issue for me here is that God is not talking. I think perhaps, I'm just not listening to what He's trying to say. I'm not "hearing" what He's trying to communicate to me on so many different levels.

First, as a dear friend pointed out to me, I do not take very good care of myself. Even with a cold, I find that I am pushing myself beyond what I should. I need to give myself time to heal and gain strength. I need to take care of myself, otherwise what good am I to Him. I did, you'll be happy to know, start taking vitamins - multi, calcium, and even Omega 3 fatty acids (or something like that - basically fish oil, since we aren't much of a fish family). I think my body is hurting and aching far more than it should be at my age. I go and go and go until I cannot go anymore, and even then I go some more! God has been calling me to slow down, as I prepare to step into another busy season of ministry. Perhaps that is why He's being quiet, so I can get some sleep.

The other thing I need to remember (and I need to remind myself of this one at least once a month) is that this is a relationship. And just like any other relationship it is shifting, changing, in motion. It is growing. Perhaps God was so vivid and obvious to me at first because that is what I needed, that is what the relationship drew forth from Him. Now, however, we have grown more intimate, and so His musings are quieter. I don't know. I know that He is drawing me in, and bringing me along to where He needs me to be, and I have to trust that this is a part of that process. A part of my growth. Our growth into each other.

Whatever it may be, I know that God is here - I can never doubt that. I know that He is here, and that He loves each of us deeply. Every time I even think of questioning that, I just have to think back on my life over the last 7 years or so, and I can see His hand so vivid, so large, that there is no way I could every question Him or His activity in my life. I pray you can do the same!Be blessed, dear one, and wherever you may be on your journey, whether you are right where I am, were once here, are have yet to pass this way, take courage in knowing that God is not done with you yet! He is drawing each of us in to Himself and preparing us for what lies ahead, including eternal life by His glorious side!!

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Gone Missing

I sit here staring at my computer screen. The minutes are ticking by, yet nothing comes to me. I am blank. I ask God for something to share. Again, nothing. I stare some more, until I finally decide that I want to go to bed, and I'd better just start typing. My hope is that putting mere words on the page will loosen the plug in my brain and allow the great thoughts, full of wisdom and great knowledge to start flowing. HA! Alas, it does not work that way.

It occurs to me that lately I seem to have a lot of times when I am seeking God, and He seems to be silent. I ask for a message, and none comes . . . or at least not until the very last moment, leaving me sweaty and nervous, afraid that I'll mess up and forget something, due to my seeming lack of practice and preparation. Perhaps this is His way of keeping me clinging to Him throughout the message. I'm sure I have much to learn. I also think He gets a laugh out of it, because I inevitably spring a leak in my right arm pit and find myself looking like a T-Rex with an arm that can barely reach my nose, afraid to gesture freely and scare everyone within eye-shot of my arm-pit. (This is no lie, friends, you can ask my Bible study on Thursday nights. I have started buying and wearing jackets for this very reason. I've tried changing deodorant, to no avail. Again, I think God just likes to laugh at me sometimes. And I would imagine that I deserve it, somehow.)

Ah, but I digress. OK, so the whole point of this thought today is to simply commiserate with you over all the times we reach out to God and He seems to be absent. Aloof. Gone. Busy. Uncaring. Not felt that?? Well then, you're the lucky one! I sometimes wonder if I've tuned my ears to the wrong channel completely - God is screaming, but I just seem to be listening to the wrong guy. Why, I ask you? Why do I go through spells like this? It is miserable! There is nothing I miss more than the timbre of God's voice in my spiritual ear. I long for nothing outside of His heavenly breath on my neck as He speaks to me in words audible only to my heart. His presence warms me. His insight is sustenance for my body.

Yet, I wonder if there are times when I simply take Him for granted. His wisdom and guidance become normal, a nuisance to be obeyed or ignored. I run to Him only when I need a message, or devotional. I do not spend time listening apart from my ministry duties, or I fall into a pattern of not being awed by the fact that the God of the universe wishes to know me, love me, hold me, and speak to me. He is so far above me, and I should be nothing to Him. Yet, in fact, I am everything to Him. And so are you.

Tonight I miss Him. I miss Him desperately. And with each word I add to this page, I feel my heart pounding with longing for and the anticipation of the sweet whisper of Jesus. I can sense His approach . . . can you?