Kidnapped

I have a confession . . . I am desperately, intensely, and completely terrified of one thing - that my children would be kidnapped. I'm not talking about a normal concern, leading to logical safe-guards, I'm talking illogical, repressive, anxiety-causing, debilitating fear. I often tell God that is the "one thing" I couldn't handle . . . of course, He has a way of talking me "down," and I somehow go on with my life for a while until the fear rears its ugly head again, and the battle wages on.

Ultimately, the fear comes from my not being able to be there for them, to comfort them, and help them . . . I am simply held captive to this irrational fear!! Well, I'm tired of it (have been for a while, really), and with Regann getting ready to start first grade, something needed to be done.

So, God and I had a chat about it - again - this morning. He asked me if I trusted Him with Regann (now, you need to know that I have fought an irrational fear of losing Regann from the moment she was born - this fear does not seem to have extended to Nolan, I don't know why, it's not like I love him any less. It got to the point where I had to lay Regann on the "altar" every night, as I was putting her in her crib . . . well, apparently this "alter" now has a playground, a lunchroom, and a lot more freedom than I'm ready to deal with.) So, God asks me if I trust Him, to which I reply, "Of course, God . . . but (ah, the treacherous "but") but what if you would choose to hand her over to this sort of suffering . . . what if, what if, what if." Now, I'm simply recognizing God's sovereignty here - I am not in any way suggesting that God likes it, or would truly choose for this sort of thing to happen. But I can also see that God is sovereign in all things . . . UGH!! It's a weighty issue for which we have no time right now. :)

Now, I am reading in Isaiah 53, which talks about the crucifixion of Christ, and how He was crushed for us (check it out, if you have a minute - http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah%2053&version=31) . . . and this is where God took me:

God allowed His Son to be taken from Him, tortured and killed, all while He couldn't be there to comfort Him. Oh, how the Father's heart must have just ached - almost exploded - to hand Christ - His Son, His Baby, His Boy - over to that! To not be able to hold Him, and help Him in His time of greatest suffering!!! And I cannot imagine how Jesus must have felt - the one constant in His life, His Father, gone - driven away be the very sin that Jesus had come to earth to take-on and ultimately conquer . . . . I can only imagine that He just wanted His Daddy, like any child would. It brakes my heart to see the crucifixion from this perspective. To see the sacrifice from a new place, a place where I recognize the Father's agony as much (if not more, as a parent) as the Son's. Oh what a sacrifice!! Truly like none I could ever imagine.

Ultimately, I felt God saying to me, "Andrea, I already went through all of that, so you don't have to. Yet, who better to stand by a parent going through such tragedy than One who has been there too."

We truly do have a God who understands our every need, our every heart-ache, our every pain. Praise Him! Praise His holy Name!!!

And thank You, Jesus . . . thank you, Father . . . thank You, thank You, thank You.