Passionately Pursuing God

I am currently in the process of writing a Bible study entitled "Passionately Pursuing God: Living a Life of Solitary Purpose." Basically it's about how we need to simply pursue God in all that we do - work, play, leisure, etc. And when we do, we run head-on into all that God has planned for us. I think we have a tendency in this culture to run after our dreams and visions and ideas, and hope that God tags along . . . and I just don't think it works out nearly as well that way.

However, I have to tell you that I am in a really strange place in my life - I could really, really, REALLY use your prayers!! I feel . . . lost . . . that's just the best way to describe it. Just lost. I'm beginning to wonder if this is really what God had in mind for Christian living - looking and living like everyone else, for the most part, with a little of Jesus sprinkled on top. A perpetual calendar of work, Bible studies, books to read, church attended, and some service thrown in. All while we maintain our really nice houses, our top-notch cars, and our fashionable wardrobes (for which we have to work hard to stay in shape so we look good in those clothes). Hey, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone except myself here. And as I write yet another Bible study (all while being guilty of the above), I have to wonder if I am just adding to the MASS of (dare I say useless??) information out there - we spend so much time reading books and doing Bible studies, when, perhaps, we should just be reading the Bible and living the life! I don't know . . .

And honestly, what REALLY does it look like to passionately pursue God?? Am I really in a position to write anything relevant on the topic?? Am I TRULY pursuing God in ALL that I do?? Somehow I doubt it. I mean I do all the typical things (the things all the books say I should do) - pray, study, journal, fast, etc. etc. etc. But when I read the gospels, and really look at Jesus and the example He set for us, I find a man that - while relevant - lived a life completely different from those around Him. I feel like I take the parts of Scripture I like, the parts that work for me here in the life I'm living, and over-contextualize the other parts . . . for example: Jesus told a man that he had to be "born again" to enter the kingdom of heaven. True - I believe it and teach it. However, Jesus told another man that he had to give up everything he had to enter the kingdom of heaven . . . now, here I like to really evaluate the scene, and talk about how this man's stuff was his god . . . yet, I can truly say the same about most Americans I meet. Stuff is our god . . . yet, somehow, we skip over the whole "give up everything" (and He meant to LITERALLY give it all to the poor!!!) and make it mean that we really need to just put God at the top of our list above our stuff, and that will suffice. But will it? Now, I am not suggesting that we ditch context, as context is indeed important, I just think we like to OVERcontextualize to make it irrelevant (or perhaps just a little less relevant) to our own lives, and therefore easier to stomach. I tend to use context as an excuse, at times, to ignore the hard fact that Jesus has truly, literally, in every way called us to be different, to live differently, to not be of this world . . . . and I have to say that I do not think my life looks anything like that.

Honestly, I'm not sure what a life lived like that would really look like here-and-now . . . I wish I could say I did.

So, what does all that mean??? I don't know . . . I wish I did. I'm just in this tumultuous place of really questioning "Christianity," in general, as it seems to be right now (or at least how it seems to be in my eyes). It just feels so . . . stale, so unadventurous, so . . . un-Christlike. I could be wrong - I probably am (I think I'm wrong more times than not), but I can't help but wonder at all this information that we perpetually have to ciphon through . . . I have to tell you that I am SO TIRED of Christian books . . . yet here I am adding yet another pile of paper to the cycle of information that we wade through, yet never seem to really put into practice. And, again, by "we" I mean ME.

And, you know . . . it could be that it's just MY life that is stale and unadventurous and un-Christlike, and once-again, I am finding a way to blame someone else - "Christianity." Again, I think that I am the guiltiest of all, here.

I wonder if God ever just wants to scream at me from the heaven's and say "Stop reading about it, and START LIVING IT!! Start loving your neighbor - YES, your LITERAL neighbor!! Start taking care of the poor, the orphans, and the widows - yes, I really mean the poor people, the kids without parents, and the women who are left alone with no one to care for them!!!! Teach by setting an example, Andrea, not by putting mere words on a page - I already have a lot of those . . . . "

Hmmmm . . . . I don't know. I just don't know . . . I'm not sure this really helped. I think I'm more lost than ever, now. Sorry.