Waiting

Waiting is so hard to do . . . I really am a product of my generation - I want it, and I want it NOW! Yet, as you can see, I've been going through a bit of a spiritual dry-spell lately, and can't seem to "shake" it. I have tried EVERYTHING that has worked in the past, and yet I still feel so disconnected from God and His life-giving passion.

Yet, the other day, as I meditated on my situation, I felt like God finally spoke to me - the first time in MONTHS. And He just said "wait, Andrea." Wait. UGH!! Torture - seriously!! So, I went to my Bible and just looked up every verse that has the word "wait" in it's various forms, to have SOMETHING to do while I wait. :)

I found the typical stuff - "Be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." But what I found lifted my spirit, and gave me a glimmer of hope that this will come to an end. . . Psalm 27:13-14, reminds me that I will yet see God's goodness here on earth, if I just wait for Him. Psalm 40:1 reminds me that when I wait patiently, God will turn to me and hear my cry. Psalm 130:5-6 reminds me that I need to just wait for Him with my whole being, and put my hope in His Word. I need to wait and watch for Him more than a watchman waits for the first sign of dawn.

I think the greatest lesson came to me in Isaiah 30:15-18, where God reminds me that I will find my salvation in repentance and rest, I will find my strength in quietness and trusting God. But if I refuse, if I try to get out of this my way. If I try to find a way to speed things up and bring things about before God beings them about, I will simply find myself in a worse position, just as the Israelites did. Like being in the middle of endless quicksand, the more I struggle, the more I try to find my way out, the deeper I sink. But if I just relax, and wait for God to save me and pull me out, then I will find true salvation and a joy beyond all imagining! Indeed, "blessed are those who wait for Him!"

So, I wait. I don't know how long. And every moment feels like a lifetime. Every second more painful than the last. It seems almost impossible to rest and be quiet, to repent and trust God. But I must force myself to do just that, for only then will I truly be rescued. Only then will the outcome be more than I can dream of. Only then will I get to experience all that God has for.

So, maybe God doesn't help those who help themselves (that, by the way, is no where in the Bible). Perhaps, because He is a God that likes to shake things up, and turns things around, God likes to help those who can't help themselves, so they just wait for Him knowing that He will!!