A Lot On My Mind

I'm getting ready to go to Nepal in about 8 hours . . . as you can imagine, I have a lot on my mind. I'm not even sure I'll get much sleep tonight, but that's OK, I'll have PLENTY of time to sleep on the flights! :)

I am so excited to go into this country and learn from the people, and see what God has planned for each of us. I look forward to His mighty work in and through me, and I am so aware that I am desperate for Him - I'm lost without Him!! And I find myself thinking a lot about what we'll be doing - helping the weak, the poor - orphans, women coming out of prostitution, sisters in Christ . . . I cannot wait to just serve my heart out and be humbled beyond explanation.

I also find myself thinking a lot about God, and what little I know and understand of Him. It is this feeling that I cannot comprehend Him - the more I discover, the more I realize I just don't understand. He is a mystery - a beautiful mystery!! And I know there is a lot of concern in the Christian world regarding "mysticism" in Christianity . . . yet, I have to wonder - can we truly be Christians, followers of Jesus Christ, God made flesh, fully God, fully man, without embracing the mysterious??

I mean, the trinity - one God, three persons - can you explain that? Jesus Christ living in me - isn't that mysterious?? Yet, it is true!! To embrace God is to embrace mystery. To embrace the fact that we can never FULLY know Him - at least here on this earth - we can never fully understand Him - we can never fully comprehend Him. And what a beautiful thing!! If we could understand Him, then wouldn't He be just like us?? Not God, but human . . . I want my God to be so far beyond my understanding that there are times when I just have to stand back in awe, and think "Wow!! God, I don't understand it, but it's beautiful, and it's all You!!!"

I have to say (and this is going to ruffle some feathers . . . . ) I'm a little tired of everyone in the Church expending so much energy pointing fingers at each other . . . can't you just hear the enemy LOVING this?? I'm tired of Christians saying that we have unconditional love . . . but is it really??? I mean, I have a nose piercing, and I like to dye my hair funky colors - would I be welcome in your church?? Would I be welcome to come and worship in my jeans and t-shirt?? What about wearing a hat?? See, we say we give out unconditional love, but I feel like it's more conditional - conditional upon people acting the way we think they should. Following those unspoken rules, and codes that have become expectations . . . . I don't think that you and I can fathom the fact that God LOVES the homosexual - even if they never change, He loves them desperately! He loves the molester, the murderer - He loves them all . . . now, I'm not saying that everyone goes to heaven - that's not biblical - but anyone CAN go, if they chose to walk away from their old life and follow Jesus . . . . but then, you and I expect IMMEDIATE change, don't we?? Yet, some of us have been Christians for YEARS, and even we have some pretty major issues!! I would argue that the person who struggles with their thoughts is just as bad as those living "sinful" lives . . . and how is it that we have decided what needs changing and what doesn't?? I mean, we just love to judge the homosexual, but what about that person who was divorced and remarried??? Their living in sin too, right?? Yet, we love to tell them, "Are you sorry?? Well, then, I'm sure God forgives you!" Now, God probably does forgive them - I can't speak to what God does and does not do - again, He is a mystery to me - but who are we to judge the one, unforgiving and definitely unloving, yet "unconditionally" love the other . . . . .

Can you tell that my mind is just reeling?? :) Lots going on in this brain, right now . . . hoping to find some rest, some encouragement in Nepal . . . maybe God can clarify some of this stuff for me. Or maybe you can!! Let me know what you think, but please be aware, I won't be able to reply back for about 2 weeks!!

All my love - no matter who you are, or what you've done! Andrea