Gone Missing

I sit here staring at my computer screen. The minutes are ticking by, yet nothing comes to me. I am blank. I ask God for something to share. Again, nothing. I stare some more, until I finally decide that I want to go to bed, and I'd better just start typing. My hope is that putting mere words on the page will loosen the plug in my brain and allow the great thoughts, full of wisdom and great knowledge to start flowing. HA! Alas, it does not work that way.

It occurs to me that lately I seem to have a lot of times when I am seeking God, and He seems to be silent. I ask for a message, and none comes . . . or at least not until the very last moment, leaving me sweaty and nervous, afraid that I'll mess up and forget something, due to my seeming lack of practice and preparation. Perhaps this is His way of keeping me clinging to Him throughout the message. I'm sure I have much to learn. I also think He gets a laugh out of it, because I inevitably spring a leak in my right arm pit and find myself looking like a T-Rex with an arm that can barely reach my nose, afraid to gesture freely and scare everyone within eye-shot of my arm-pit. (This is no lie, friends, you can ask my Bible study on Thursday nights. I have started buying and wearing jackets for this very reason. I've tried changing deodorant, to no avail. Again, I think God just likes to laugh at me sometimes. And I would imagine that I deserve it, somehow.)

Ah, but I digress. OK, so the whole point of this thought today is to simply commiserate with you over all the times we reach out to God and He seems to be absent. Aloof. Gone. Busy. Uncaring. Not felt that?? Well then, you're the lucky one! I sometimes wonder if I've tuned my ears to the wrong channel completely - God is screaming, but I just seem to be listening to the wrong guy. Why, I ask you? Why do I go through spells like this? It is miserable! There is nothing I miss more than the timbre of God's voice in my spiritual ear. I long for nothing outside of His heavenly breath on my neck as He speaks to me in words audible only to my heart. His presence warms me. His insight is sustenance for my body.

Yet, I wonder if there are times when I simply take Him for granted. His wisdom and guidance become normal, a nuisance to be obeyed or ignored. I run to Him only when I need a message, or devotional. I do not spend time listening apart from my ministry duties, or I fall into a pattern of not being awed by the fact that the God of the universe wishes to know me, love me, hold me, and speak to me. He is so far above me, and I should be nothing to Him. Yet, in fact, I am everything to Him. And so are you.

Tonight I miss Him. I miss Him desperately. And with each word I add to this page, I feel my heart pounding with longing for and the anticipation of the sweet whisper of Jesus. I can sense His approach . . . can you?