This rebuttal (of-sorts) was sent to me by a dear friend . . . it was greatly encouraging for me, and I pray it will bless you also! Thank you, Kay, for the wonderful message I so greatly needed to hear.
Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it??
I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? You bet we are just 'common folks' and thank God for that...because I Corin. 1:26-27 tells us that He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; the weak to shame the strong...
I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!
II Corin. 12:10 clearly tells us you are so right in this evaluation....as 'for when I am weak, then I am strong' - how does that work? check it out in Hebrews 5:1-3 where He tells us ... Every high priest is selected from among men.....and that he is subject to weakness...that is why he offers sacrifices for his sins and those of the people. We may not be priests, but we are His disciples and we are told to 'offer our bodies as living sacrifices', in Romans 12:1. We are also told in James that indeed we will face trials of many kinds and that we are often tested in order to receive perseverance, so we may be mature and complete - in Him.
Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place.
I have a framed saying that reminds me that Christ said, in so many words, "I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truly what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life.
Ephesians 6:12 tells us you are right again.....we have quite a formidable foe......the powers of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. However in II Chronicles 20:15 He tells us not to be afraid or discouraged for the battle is not yours, but God's.
(Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?
Nothing; nothing that is except for the human need to be in control....problem with that is that ....as we see in John 15:5....we can do nothing without being attached to Jesus.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.
Isaiah 40:31 tells us that they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.....His strength is what makes us strong.....His yoke is light....His rewards unfathomable....so wait, sweet child of God, and He will supply all your needs and answer all your questions....in His time.
And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.
Every Christian woman you know, if she is truly trying to be all she can be for God, experiences the same bouts of doubt, wonder, and distress that you are experiencing. Thankfully, we have a God who can do all things.
In His love, and praying for you, Kay
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