God is Faithful!

Well, I taught last night, and just as I knew He would be, God was faithful!! I marvel at His faithfulness, despite all the ways I fall short. 2 Timothy 2:11-13 says, "Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." Generally it's tit for tat, but not in faithfulness . . . not in anything that is the character of God - love, grace, mercy, faithfulness . . . despite our lack of reciprocation, God cannot deny Himself, and that means He remains those things toward us, even when we don't return the favor.

WOW!

I am almost in tears, as I consider all that God has done (and is doing) for me, and those I know. I marvel that He can "put up" with me when I'm in such a funky mood! Yet, as my dear friend reminded me yesterday, I cannot go by how I feel, I must go by what I know. And I know that God is faithful, that He will see my through, that He is near, and that He is love. I'm such a "feely" person, yet my feelings betray me constantly.

And so I put my head down, and plow on. I stay in the Word, I keep talking to God, and I trust that He is using this time in my life to prepare me for whatever is next. It is a time of pruning - it hurts, but the resulting growth will be so worth it!

Otherwise, I'm getting ready to go back home for a while - to Wyoming. Oh, how my heart longs for "home" - I am truly a Wyoming girl at heart! I pray that it will be a time of rest and rejuvenation. I pray that God will renew my heart with His wild passion, so that I can then pass the passion along to all those around me . . . for passion is caught, it cannot be taught.

And though I may not know your name, I am praying for you. That God would prove Himself true and faithful in your life - whether you feel Him, or not; whether you believe in Him or not. :) That actually reminds me of my favorite movie line ever. It's from "The Count of Monte Cristo," and when the main character, Edmond, is in prison with a priest, the priest tells him to live for God, that it is His to avenge. Edmond replies "I don't believe in God," to which the priest says, "It doesn't matter, He believes in you."

God believes in you, and He believes in me . . . . that is the greatest miracle!

How long?

Psalm 13:1-2
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?"

Yep, that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days. I mean, words can't quite express the true depth and complexity of it all, but this comes pretty close. And all this while I'm preparing to teach this Wednesday. GASP! I know. Most people would probably say I need to bow out humbly, and allow someone who is "high" on God to step up and teach. Believe me, I've thought about it, and prayed about it. At which point I felt God say to me "No, Andrea, I want you to teach from exactly this place. These women need to know that they aren't the only ones who feel this way, that this is not a mark of being a bad Christian. They need to know that they will get through it and that it will be OK. I want you to teach from this place, a place of honesty, since honesty is what you'll be teaching on." Wow.

So, I journey on in my preparations, and God has proved faithful every step of the way, though the next step always seems hidden from view. So, I grasp His hand and keep-on. Here is the wonderful thing I am discovering in all of this (something most of you probably already know - I'm quite slow and dense) - our feelings betray us. I am so blessed to know God and His Word well enough to know that He is near, He is always near, nearer than my own breath, even when it doesn't feel like it. While I feel forgotten, I am far from it. In fact, I am on His mind and in His thoughts this very moment. He is right here with me, holding my hand, placing my every step to get me through this.

So, dear friend, pray for me as I limp along. Pray for me this Wednesday as I stand up and open my mouth on behalf of God. Pray that in and through my honesty the Spirit will pour out His mighty power on me and all those who listen, that God would be pleased and glorified through it all.