Community

You know, the answer to my loneliness is community . . . of course. God created us to be in contact with other people - people with whom we can talk and share and wonder and make stupid remarks and mistakes and be ourselves - honest, open, good, bad, and ugly - all that we are, not all that we think we should be. To share our thoughts, even if they are really stupid or way off the mark. Live together.

I ofter hear talk in the Church about the "Acts 2 Church," being the model for how we do Church now. It makes sense - it is the Biblical model set-forth by the Church founders as to how to be in community. How to live with one-another, encourage each other, etc.


Yet, I have to admit, the more I look at the model, and those Christians and the way they lived and loved, the more I am convinced that we are WAY off!! I look at other religions other cultures and they seem to get it . . . yet we think that by getting together once on the weekends for an hour and a half (and that's pushing - REALLY! "Why does our pastor think he has to talk so long?!? Doesn't he know we have THINGS TO DO?!?!" my goodness . . .) and then (and this is if we're REALLY serious!) another 2 hours once a week with our small group, and all of a sudden - TADA! - we're in community!!! Never mind we have to drive 30 minutes one-way, just to meet with these people . . . and we never really see them at any other time.

Is that really what the Acts 2 Church looked like?? I don't think so! They lived together, as in "with-in walking distant" - they met and ate together, they shared money (GASP!! Oh, here we go again - us Christians talking about money!), they shared time, thoughts, love, everything. This idea is so foreign to us, I believe, because we are such an individualistic society . . . and it's sad, really . . . individualistic and self-centered.

And yeah, I know, our culture looks different - we have cars, email, phones, etc . . . but have those things really aided our connectivity, or hindered it? It just gives us more excuses to not connect with our neighbors. Just because out culture looks different, I'm not so sure that gives us an excuse to re-define community.

I am getting ready to go to Nepal the end of March, and I am so excited to see how they live in comparison to us! One of the 10 poorest countries in the world, yet they are happy and generous and contented . . . WOW!! But, from what I have been learning, they understand community! The women do their laundry together, they cook together, and raise their kids together. It is rare that they would eat a meal with just their family, alone. People leave their doors open and share their time willingly. I can't wait to experience it! Yet, I have to admit, I almost dread it, because I'll have to come back home to the way we do things here . . . . I'm pretty sure this discontent will just get worse upon my return!

I'm not suggesting that I know the answer, how to change all this. I'm just suggesting that we begin to take a look at the "Biblical living" we think we're doing, and really hold it up to the standard of the Bible . . . I mean, let me ask you, isn't there a part of you that really longs to have this kind of friendship and community? Someone to whom you can run over and talk with, if you have an extra hour, instead of having to schedule the time a week out? I think everyone has this desire, and that is what drives us to the Internet, to email, to Facebook and Myspace - connectivity. Yet these things can only go so far . . .

This desire is in me . . . I long for it, and I believe it is a longing placed there by God. I would love to just live in the same neighborhood as a bunch of my friends and fellow Christ-followers, to meet weekly to just worship God in song, to share our thoughts on the Word we have been reading. To just be in community. To share meals. I want it to go beyond the church walls, beyond Bible study and small group. I don't know . . . I'm not even sure I can quite describe or explain what I long for . . . I suppose this means I will have to trust God to lead me and show me what to do with all this. :)

Lonliness

How can it be that I am lonley? Living in a mass of people, yet the lonliness still consumes my heart. How can I be surrounded by family and friends, by smiling faces and friendly conversation, yet still feel alone?? I have friends on MySpace and Facebook. I "talk" with people on email and the phone, but that lonliness is still there. I meet with people almost daily and find great joy in the fellowship I find, yet I walk away still lonely.

There are so many things I could blame it on, point to as the culprit, so many deep things in my heart. And really, isn't that the way it is? There are so many people who are lonely, for so many different reasons. Loneliness is no respector of persons. I love that even Christ felt what it is to be lonely. His entire life was lived with the acute awareness of His Father's presence. Yet, in order for God to complete the work He had been planning since before time, the Father had to leave the Son at the very moment of His greatest despair - the cross. The Father, placing the sin of the world on the shoulders of Jesus, had to turn His face, unable to even look upon the black that was my sin on His Son. Lonliness - utter lonliness - is what Christ must have felt. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The greatest pain He had yet experienced - the absence of His Father.

Ultimately I need to trust that God will use this lonliness to mold and shape me; to prepare me for whatever He is bringing next; to work His plan in and through me, just as He did in Christ. I love this quote from Henri Nouwen:
"To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of loneliness and
to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. This requires not only
courage but also a strong faith. As hard as it is to believe that the dry desolate desert can yield
endless varieties of flowers, it is equally hard to imagine that our loneliness is hiding unknown
beauty."

I feel God asking me "are you willing?" Am I willing to turn this lonliness into a place of solitude with God? Am I willing to keep going, even if I must go alone as long as I live? And am I willing to find the flowers in the midst of desert, the beauty in the midst of the pain?

I hear God's voice loud and clear in all of this, "Do you trust me?"

To which I must reply "But I will trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me." (Psalm 13:5-6)

What is Valued

"You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight."

Luke 16:15

This is Jesus talking to the Pharisees "who loved money." I love Jesus! Can I just say that?? I mean, I love how He seems to take everything and turn it upside down! He just comes in my nice and tidy life and messes things up!! And I love that about Him - He's rebellious, and being rebellious myself, I just LOVE it!!

Our pastor used this passage in his message a few weeks ago, and it has just been stirring my thoughts, and weighing on my heart. Of course, in context it is regarding money, but I believe this is true about everything we value! We value power, influence, success, money, individuality, freedom to ____________. These are the things that excite us, and make us work harder and step on more and more people to make it to the top!!

Yet, when we look at Scripture, we find that Jesus values humility, servant-hood, the weak and the poor, community, and freedom from ____________. He says the first shall be last, and the last shall be first; He tells us the least shall be greatest, and the greatest shall be least . . . now, you and I say we believe the Bible, so why do we still try to be first? To be greatest? I mean, if we truly believe the Bible, and believe it to be God's perfect truth, then shouldn't we all be fighting to be last? To be least? Yet we don't. I don't.

Oh God, help us to truly begin to value what You value! Give us a desire for humility, to be servants of all around us, to be with the weak and the poor, to live in community, and to be free from the chains and bondage of sin! We love you, and we want to live lives that reflect that love!!
In the mighty name of Jesus - Amen!

Risk

Would you say ours is a faith of risk? No?? I wonder why that is . . . could it be that we are not willing for it to be?? I mean, it seems to be a faith of risk in the Bible, so what has changed??

I wonder if we have our focus too much on ministry, rather than on God. We are so worried about growing our ministry, and making sure it's "healthy" (by whose standards, by the way?), and wanting to be the next new BIG thing with the greatest idea that will bring in the hoards, and how to we get more people involved, and blah, blah, blah . . . . I wonder, friends, have we missed the boat??? Or, perhaps, we have quite the opposite problem . . . we're not willing to step out of the boat.

I think of Peter walking on water - Jesus bid him "Come" and he did!! He didn't look around at the wind and the waves and the circumstances and tell Jesus, "Hey, you know, the wind is blowing really strong right now, and those waves are awefully big, not to mention the fact that it is pitch black out here!! You know, it just seems to me, by my human logic, that the time just isn't right for this, so let's wait until tomorrow, when the storm has calmed down, and it's light . . . that makes more sense, right?" NO!! He ignored "common sense" (by every stretch of the imagination!!) and stepped right out . . . he kept his eyes on Jesus, ignoring all circumstances, ignoring the probable shouts of opposition coming from his "friends" in the boat, ignoring even the nagging thoughts in his own head telling him he was NUTS, and he (GASP!) trusted Jesus!!!

I have to be honest here, and tell you all that I am tired of fancy-schmancy ministry ideas, plans, schemes, whatever . . . I just want to follow Jesus, and I want to hang out with other people that want to follow Jesus. I want to know that the people in authority over me spiritually in the Church are just following Jesus. We need to stop worrying about the breadth of our ministries!! We need only worry about the depth of our relationship with God, and trust that as the roots grow deep, our reach will grow ever higher and farther!!

We need to step out of the boat! We need to ignore circumstances - often times I think God likes to work in the most strained, most awkward, most impossible circumstances to show off all the more! We need to simply keep our eyes on Jesus, and trust that He will take care of the details and circumstances, whatever they may be.

I am ashamed to think of all the times He has said to me "Oh you of little faith! Why did you doubt?" Probably too many to count, too many to remember . . . not that I want to.

God is Faithful!!! (Once again. . .)

You'd think I'd know that by now, that I would trust Him and count on Him . . . instead I panic, freak-out, find myself all sweaty and crazy and then I begin to rant and rave. And then, God steps-in, faithfully doing what He has said He would do . . . granted, it was the 11th hour, but He did it . . . and because of when He did it and how (which, by the way, He did it in His perfect timing and way - as usual!) He gets ALL the glory.

We began Bible study this last week (the 17th) and I was all crazy because the study wasn't ready, and every time I'd sit down to write, it just wasn't there. So, finally, in complete desperation (which is probably where I need to be all the time anyway), I fell flat on my face Saturday night, and cried out "GOD!!! I need you!!! You want me to lead this study!!! You want us to learn how to Passionately Pursue You . . . but, I kinda need to get this done! I'm freaking out here!!!" Then, a quote I had written down in my notes for the study came to me (I think it's from AW Tozer - probably his book "The Pursuit of God" one of my FAVORITES!) "Our teachers have done all the seeking for us." WOW!!! Then God speaks gently (yet firmly) to me, "Andrea, you cannot passionately pursue me FOR them! They need to learn to do it for themselves!!"

And I began to realize that part of my irritation with all the books and Bible studies out there is the fact that the writer does all the seeking, digging, praying, learning, etc. for the reader . . . we are a generation of disciples who don't even know how to dig into and consume God's Word for ourselves. That's scary!!! Especially since it's not that hard. We don't need to go to a Bible college, or have a degree in theology - God has made His Word and His truth accessible to each and every one of us . . . we have so many tools and translations at our fingertips, and yet we consistently fail to use them . . . to even know HOW to use them. And I, as a teacher and writer, was adding to the problem.

From that point it flowed! Instead of adding my own thoughts and commentary, I am trying to discover how to guide the ladies into a study of God's Word in which they listen to God and what He is telling them. Because the fact is, your walk with God will not look like mine. Of course, there are many common factors, but I may have easily and quickly learned a lesson that you are struggling with. And something that may seem so obvious to you, may be so difficult for me to understand. Our relationship with God will be as unique as we are - and that's a BEAUTIFUL thing!!! So, I feel like my job as a teacher is not to tell you what I think it means, but to give you the tools to discover what God has for you to learn. Of course I still share my thoughts in my message, and my journey (ups, downs, goods, bads) with anyone who is willing to listen, but I don't want ANYONE to rely on what I think it means! I don't want ANYONE even following me (if you find yourself following me, let me warn you - YOU'RE FOLLOWING THE WRONG PERSON!!! We are to follow and pursue God alone!).

Isn't God glorious?? I praise Him for His faithfulness, His love, and the fact that constantly pulls me up out of the mud and shares His life with me!! Seek Him today, friend, and take some time to discover what He is just waiting to tell you!!!

Passionately Pursuing God

I am currently in the process of writing a Bible study entitled "Passionately Pursuing God: Living a Life of Solitary Purpose." Basically it's about how we need to simply pursue God in all that we do - work, play, leisure, etc. And when we do, we run head-on into all that God has planned for us. I think we have a tendency in this culture to run after our dreams and visions and ideas, and hope that God tags along . . . and I just don't think it works out nearly as well that way.

However, I have to tell you that I am in a really strange place in my life - I could really, really, REALLY use your prayers!! I feel . . . lost . . . that's just the best way to describe it. Just lost. I'm beginning to wonder if this is really what God had in mind for Christian living - looking and living like everyone else, for the most part, with a little of Jesus sprinkled on top. A perpetual calendar of work, Bible studies, books to read, church attended, and some service thrown in. All while we maintain our really nice houses, our top-notch cars, and our fashionable wardrobes (for which we have to work hard to stay in shape so we look good in those clothes). Hey, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone except myself here. And as I write yet another Bible study (all while being guilty of the above), I have to wonder if I am just adding to the MASS of (dare I say useless??) information out there - we spend so much time reading books and doing Bible studies, when, perhaps, we should just be reading the Bible and living the life! I don't know . . .

And honestly, what REALLY does it look like to passionately pursue God?? Am I really in a position to write anything relevant on the topic?? Am I TRULY pursuing God in ALL that I do?? Somehow I doubt it. I mean I do all the typical things (the things all the books say I should do) - pray, study, journal, fast, etc. etc. etc. But when I read the gospels, and really look at Jesus and the example He set for us, I find a man that - while relevant - lived a life completely different from those around Him. I feel like I take the parts of Scripture I like, the parts that work for me here in the life I'm living, and over-contextualize the other parts . . . for example: Jesus told a man that he had to be "born again" to enter the kingdom of heaven. True - I believe it and teach it. However, Jesus told another man that he had to give up everything he had to enter the kingdom of heaven . . . now, here I like to really evaluate the scene, and talk about how this man's stuff was his god . . . yet, I can truly say the same about most Americans I meet. Stuff is our god . . . yet, somehow, we skip over the whole "give up everything" (and He meant to LITERALLY give it all to the poor!!!) and make it mean that we really need to just put God at the top of our list above our stuff, and that will suffice. But will it? Now, I am not suggesting that we ditch context, as context is indeed important, I just think we like to OVERcontextualize to make it irrelevant (or perhaps just a little less relevant) to our own lives, and therefore easier to stomach. I tend to use context as an excuse, at times, to ignore the hard fact that Jesus has truly, literally, in every way called us to be different, to live differently, to not be of this world . . . . and I have to say that I do not think my life looks anything like that.

Honestly, I'm not sure what a life lived like that would really look like here-and-now . . . I wish I could say I did.

So, what does all that mean??? I don't know . . . I wish I did. I'm just in this tumultuous place of really questioning "Christianity," in general, as it seems to be right now (or at least how it seems to be in my eyes). It just feels so . . . stale, so unadventurous, so . . . un-Christlike. I could be wrong - I probably am (I think I'm wrong more times than not), but I can't help but wonder at all this information that we perpetually have to ciphon through . . . I have to tell you that I am SO TIRED of Christian books . . . yet here I am adding yet another pile of paper to the cycle of information that we wade through, yet never seem to really put into practice. And, again, by "we" I mean ME.

And, you know . . . it could be that it's just MY life that is stale and unadventurous and un-Christlike, and once-again, I am finding a way to blame someone else - "Christianity." Again, I think that I am the guiltiest of all, here.

I wonder if God ever just wants to scream at me from the heaven's and say "Stop reading about it, and START LIVING IT!! Start loving your neighbor - YES, your LITERAL neighbor!! Start taking care of the poor, the orphans, and the widows - yes, I really mean the poor people, the kids without parents, and the women who are left alone with no one to care for them!!!! Teach by setting an example, Andrea, not by putting mere words on a page - I already have a lot of those . . . . "

Hmmmm . . . . I don't know. I just don't know . . . I'm not sure this really helped. I think I'm more lost than ever, now. Sorry.

Abortion Ticker

If you check out the right hand side of my blog, you'll notice an abortion ticker. I know that this is a "hot topic" for some, for many different reasons . . . I am pro-life, as I would imagine you can guess, but let me go a little deeper with you regarding my heart in this issue.

It is true that I mourn the loss of life, but I know that child is resting in the sovereign hands of their Creator, so that always brings me peace in that regard. I actually mourn more for the woman who made the choice - for me, this ticker actually represents all the women who have been fooled, forgotten, and left for "dead" themselves.

I grieve so deeply for these women for so many reasons . . . most of them did not come to the choice of having an abortion easily. We often talk about using aborion as "birth control" and I am sure there are those out there who just get them, feel no remorse and go on with their lives (and what a trgedy that they have gone so far as to feel nothing in regard to the decision - I mourn their loss of innocence). Yet, most of these women have made this choice because they have been convinced by the enemy of their souls that they have no other choice. They walk into the clinic feeling as though they have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and somehow they feel that this will relieve their burden. All will be better when it is done . . .

Then, they walk out the back door feeling even worse, for Satan then turns the tables on them. He goes from convincing them that they have no other choice and that everything will be OK, to letting them know what a failure they are, what a wretched person, a murderer, etc, etc. I have yet to meet a woman who has had an abortion who hasn't been completely ruined by the choice. As each year passes and the due date comes and goes, they consider the age their child would have been, wondering what they would have been like - how they would have looked, what they would have liked, what color their eyes and hair might have been, what kind of personality, etc. The burden lays heavy on their hearts, getting heavier with each passing year - the enemy has them right where he wants them. They begin to assume that everything that goes wrong in their life is a result of this choice, sure that God is now out to get them (after-all, isn't that what most Christians would like for them to believe - that there is grace and mercy for us, but not them??)

I believe the most unfortunate part of this whole thing is that they end up feeling that there is nowhere they can go to talk about it. They cannot go to someone who is pro-choice, for surely they will just blow it off as no big deal, and wonder why they feel so bad about exercising their "right." While going to someone is pro-life is completely out of the question, for surely they will be blamed and judged and looked-down upon, finding no empathy or sorrow, no healing or forgiveness, no grace, mercy, or compassion. They feel stuck with their pain, completely alone.

So, when I consider myself pro-life, I am thinking as much (if not more) about the life of the woman making the choice, as I am about the child. When we pray about this matter, I believe we really need to take the time to think about the women, and all they are going through. We must pray for the mom and the baby, and even when the baby is gone, we must STILL be there for the mom, showing her that Christ is the only One who can truly help them heal from the great loss they have suffered!