A Beautiful Rebuttal

This rebuttal (of-sorts) was sent to me by a dear friend . . . it was greatly encouraging for me, and I pray it will bless you also! Thank you, Kay, for the wonderful message I so greatly needed to hear.

Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it??

I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? You bet we are just 'common folks' and thank God for that...because I Corin. 1:26-27 tells us that He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; the weak to shame the strong...

I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!
II Corin. 12:10 clearly tells us you are so right in this evaluation....as 'for when I am weak, then I am strong' - how does that work? check it out in Hebrews 5:1-3 where He tells us ... Every high priest is selected from among men.....and that he is subject to weakness...that is why he offers sacrifices for his sins and those of the people. We may not be priests, but we are His disciples and we are told to 'offer our bodies as living sacrifices', in Romans 12:1. We are also told in James that indeed we will face trials of many kinds and that we are often tested in order to receive perseverance, so we may be mature and complete - in Him.

Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place.
I have a framed saying that reminds me that Christ said, in so many words, "I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."

But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truly what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life.
Ephesians 6:12 tells us you are right again.....we have quite a formidable foe......the powers of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. However in II Chronicles 20:15 He tells us not to be afraid or discouraged for the battle is not yours, but God's.

(Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?
Nothing; nothing that is except for the human need to be in control....problem with that is that ....as we see in John 15:5....we can do nothing without being attached to Jesus.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.
Isaiah 40:31 tells us that they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.....His strength is what makes us strong.....His yoke is light....His rewards unfathomable....so wait, sweet child of God, and He will supply all your needs and answer all your questions....in His time.

And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.
Every Christian woman you know, if she is truly trying to be all she can be for God, experiences the same bouts of doubt, wonder, and distress that you are experiencing. Thankfully, we have a God who can do all things.

In His love, and praying for you, Kay

Quite the battle

Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it??

I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!

Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place. But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truely what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life. (Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.

And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.

Faith

The message at church today (I went to Boyd Avenue Baptist Church, here in Casper) was a good one! Quinn, the pastor, talked about Shadrach, Mishach, and Abednego and their tremendous, unshakable faith in God. He talked about how they had established their faith and grounded it in God WAY before the crisis hit.
Made me stop and think about myself . . . is my faith solid like that? Have I made up my mind, I mean REALLY made it up, that I will not go with the crowd, no matter how lucritive and influential, if it means turning my back on God? Have I placed my whole self in the God arena? I don't know. I'd like to think I have, but if that's all the further I can take it, then I have to wonder.
Today, however, I have made up my mind, and it's God or nothin' for this crazy chick! That's not all that easy to say, considering the people in my life who do not side with God, but it's the decision I have to make. A decision I gladly make in view of all He has done for me.

Will you join me??

Well, Here I Am . . .

in Wyoming!! I would LOVE to tell you all that the weather is cool and wonderful, but that would be a lie. It seems I brought the heat with me. UGH!!

The drive up was fun, though I think we hit every city (major and minor), and one road-side stop between Mesa and Albuquerque - nothing like traveling with sick kids!! We pushed hard and made it all the way to north Denver by 1:15 am . . . it was a long trip, and my little guy was not happy with me. It was another tangible (and very loud) reminder that I have been tasked with being the advocate for my kids. They trust me to take care of them . . . What a blessing to know that Jesus will NEVER let me down as my Advocate. He will ALWAYS do what is best for me, He is ALWAYS on my side. I wish I could say that I am the same with my kids. God forgive me.

Anyway, I am so happy to be here with my family, though I miss my hubby. I am definitely taking some time to just relax, do nothing, play computer games, eat Cheetos and drink Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi . . . Ahhh, the good life!! :)

I love this country. It is beautiful, wild, open, and free . . . I can most certainly see why this is called "God's Country" by so many. It is my prayer that He will meet me here, and delight me, surprise me, woo me, and draw me in. I'm sure He has something in store, planned for me during this time - let's just pray that I'm not so dense or oblivious that I completely miss it!

God bless you all!

Howdy, howdy, howdy

I wonder how many times in a day I ignore God.

I wonder how often I make Him cry.

I wonder if He ever just wants to slap me across the face. (Oh, He's done it before . . . sometimes that's exactly what I need)

I wonder what it will be like to finally hold His hand, see His face, and dance with Him.

I wonder if my life pleases Him right now.

I wonder how my life weaves into the tapestry of this world.

I wonder, and this a lot, why He keeps after me, pursuing me with all that He is, when I am so marginal in so many ways.

He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He's all I could ever want or need or desire.

He is my very definition - all that I am, all that I hope to be. Strip me of all else, but give me God, for He is my everything.

God is Faithful!

Well, I taught last night, and just as I knew He would be, God was faithful!! I marvel at His faithfulness, despite all the ways I fall short. 2 Timothy 2:11-13 says, "Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." Generally it's tit for tat, but not in faithfulness . . . not in anything that is the character of God - love, grace, mercy, faithfulness . . . despite our lack of reciprocation, God cannot deny Himself, and that means He remains those things toward us, even when we don't return the favor.

WOW!

I am almost in tears, as I consider all that God has done (and is doing) for me, and those I know. I marvel that He can "put up" with me when I'm in such a funky mood! Yet, as my dear friend reminded me yesterday, I cannot go by how I feel, I must go by what I know. And I know that God is faithful, that He will see my through, that He is near, and that He is love. I'm such a "feely" person, yet my feelings betray me constantly.

And so I put my head down, and plow on. I stay in the Word, I keep talking to God, and I trust that He is using this time in my life to prepare me for whatever is next. It is a time of pruning - it hurts, but the resulting growth will be so worth it!

Otherwise, I'm getting ready to go back home for a while - to Wyoming. Oh, how my heart longs for "home" - I am truly a Wyoming girl at heart! I pray that it will be a time of rest and rejuvenation. I pray that God will renew my heart with His wild passion, so that I can then pass the passion along to all those around me . . . for passion is caught, it cannot be taught.

And though I may not know your name, I am praying for you. That God would prove Himself true and faithful in your life - whether you feel Him, or not; whether you believe in Him or not. :) That actually reminds me of my favorite movie line ever. It's from "The Count of Monte Cristo," and when the main character, Edmond, is in prison with a priest, the priest tells him to live for God, that it is His to avenge. Edmond replies "I don't believe in God," to which the priest says, "It doesn't matter, He believes in you."

God believes in you, and He believes in me . . . . that is the greatest miracle!

How long?

Psalm 13:1-2
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?"

Yep, that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days. I mean, words can't quite express the true depth and complexity of it all, but this comes pretty close. And all this while I'm preparing to teach this Wednesday. GASP! I know. Most people would probably say I need to bow out humbly, and allow someone who is "high" on God to step up and teach. Believe me, I've thought about it, and prayed about it. At which point I felt God say to me "No, Andrea, I want you to teach from exactly this place. These women need to know that they aren't the only ones who feel this way, that this is not a mark of being a bad Christian. They need to know that they will get through it and that it will be OK. I want you to teach from this place, a place of honesty, since honesty is what you'll be teaching on." Wow.

So, I journey on in my preparations, and God has proved faithful every step of the way, though the next step always seems hidden from view. So, I grasp His hand and keep-on. Here is the wonderful thing I am discovering in all of this (something most of you probably already know - I'm quite slow and dense) - our feelings betray us. I am so blessed to know God and His Word well enough to know that He is near, He is always near, nearer than my own breath, even when it doesn't feel like it. While I feel forgotten, I am far from it. In fact, I am on His mind and in His thoughts this very moment. He is right here with me, holding my hand, placing my every step to get me through this.

So, dear friend, pray for me as I limp along. Pray for me this Wednesday as I stand up and open my mouth on behalf of God. Pray that in and through my honesty the Spirit will pour out His mighty power on me and all those who listen, that God would be pleased and glorified through it all.