If you check out the right hand side of my blog, you'll notice an abortion ticker. I know that this is a "hot topic" for some, for many different reasons . . . I am pro-life, as I would imagine you can guess, but let me go a little deeper with you regarding my heart in this issue.
It is true that I mourn the loss of life, but I know that child is resting in the sovereign hands of their Creator, so that always brings me peace in that regard. I actually mourn more for the woman who made the choice - for me, this ticker actually represents all the women who have been fooled, forgotten, and left for "dead" themselves.
I grieve so deeply for these women for so many reasons . . . most of them did not come to the choice of having an abortion easily. We often talk about using aborion as "birth control" and I am sure there are those out there who just get them, feel no remorse and go on with their lives (and what a trgedy that they have gone so far as to feel nothing in regard to the decision - I mourn their loss of innocence). Yet, most of these women have made this choice because they have been convinced by the enemy of their souls that they have no other choice. They walk into the clinic feeling as though they have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and somehow they feel that this will relieve their burden. All will be better when it is done . . .
Then, they walk out the back door feeling even worse, for Satan then turns the tables on them. He goes from convincing them that they have no other choice and that everything will be OK, to letting them know what a failure they are, what a wretched person, a murderer, etc, etc. I have yet to meet a woman who has had an abortion who hasn't been completely ruined by the choice. As each year passes and the due date comes and goes, they consider the age their child would have been, wondering what they would have been like - how they would have looked, what they would have liked, what color their eyes and hair might have been, what kind of personality, etc. The burden lays heavy on their hearts, getting heavier with each passing year - the enemy has them right where he wants them. They begin to assume that everything that goes wrong in their life is a result of this choice, sure that God is now out to get them (after-all, isn't that what most Christians would like for them to believe - that there is grace and mercy for us, but not them??)
I believe the most unfortunate part of this whole thing is that they end up feeling that there is nowhere they can go to talk about it. They cannot go to someone who is pro-choice, for surely they will just blow it off as no big deal, and wonder why they feel so bad about exercising their "right." While going to someone is pro-life is completely out of the question, for surely they will be blamed and judged and looked-down upon, finding no empathy or sorrow, no healing or forgiveness, no grace, mercy, or compassion. They feel stuck with their pain, completely alone.
So, when I consider myself pro-life, I am thinking as much (if not more) about the life of the woman making the choice, as I am about the child. When we pray about this matter, I believe we really need to take the time to think about the women, and all they are going through. We must pray for the mom and the baby, and even when the baby is gone, we must STILL be there for the mom, showing her that Christ is the only One who can truly help them heal from the great loss they have suffered!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Season of Giving??
I have been thinking a lot about how we "kick-off" the Season of Giving with a day - a single day - called Thanksgiving. Funny. We spend one day being thankful, and then a whole month asking and whining for more stuff . . . . seems backwards, doesn't it? Seems we should spend a whole month being thankful for all we've been given, and a day, nay a mere moment thinking about what we might want.
How did it get here?? How have we gotten so far off course??
I saw the Nativity Story movie the other day, and I was so enthralled with seeing the reality (or at least this version of it) of what Christmas truly is all about. I was moved by the emotion of Joseph trying to find a suitable place for Mary to give birth, by all he gave up for a woman he barely knew and child that was not biologically his; I was moved by Mary's faith, her honesty, her youth and innocence; I loved that God's plan probably made Joseph and Mary wonder if they were on the right track. But most, I was hit by the fact that God bore His soul that night - He gave His very heart to us in Jesus. Like those moments when you see a man cry who never cries, I believe that the birth of Christ was a very vulnerable, intimate moment for God. Like finally revealing yourself for all you are to someone you are not sure will accept you. God gave us His all, and we spend our time "celebrating" with wish lists, spending sprees, and ingratitude that we didn't get exactly what we wanted . . . . . oh we talk about how "Jesus is the reason" but I have never really seen anyone whose celebrations and all they do at Christmas truly reflects the depth and magnitude of that reality. I wonder what it would look like . . . . I have no idea . . . .
Oh! I'm not pointing my finger at you anymore than I am at me - I'm as guilty as anyone, if not more so. I LOVE Christmas! I love giving gifts, and getting them; I love the decorations, and the parties, and the food . . . . this is what has made me stop and really consider how I have come so far from what Christmas really is. Yet, for all that I am, I cannot figure out how to turn the ship . . . I guess the best way to turn a ship is to turn the tide. I'm afraid it will take a mighty strong current to turn this ship around . . . .
Not that I have any suggestions - just thinking out-loud. Sorry!
Thanks for listening. Thanks for considering. And Merry Christmas!!
How did it get here?? How have we gotten so far off course??
I saw the Nativity Story movie the other day, and I was so enthralled with seeing the reality (or at least this version of it) of what Christmas truly is all about. I was moved by the emotion of Joseph trying to find a suitable place for Mary to give birth, by all he gave up for a woman he barely knew and child that was not biologically his; I was moved by Mary's faith, her honesty, her youth and innocence; I loved that God's plan probably made Joseph and Mary wonder if they were on the right track. But most, I was hit by the fact that God bore His soul that night - He gave His very heart to us in Jesus. Like those moments when you see a man cry who never cries, I believe that the birth of Christ was a very vulnerable, intimate moment for God. Like finally revealing yourself for all you are to someone you are not sure will accept you. God gave us His all, and we spend our time "celebrating" with wish lists, spending sprees, and ingratitude that we didn't get exactly what we wanted . . . . . oh we talk about how "Jesus is the reason" but I have never really seen anyone whose celebrations and all they do at Christmas truly reflects the depth and magnitude of that reality. I wonder what it would look like . . . . I have no idea . . . .
Oh! I'm not pointing my finger at you anymore than I am at me - I'm as guilty as anyone, if not more so. I LOVE Christmas! I love giving gifts, and getting them; I love the decorations, and the parties, and the food . . . . this is what has made me stop and really consider how I have come so far from what Christmas really is. Yet, for all that I am, I cannot figure out how to turn the ship . . . I guess the best way to turn a ship is to turn the tide. I'm afraid it will take a mighty strong current to turn this ship around . . . .
Not that I have any suggestions - just thinking out-loud. Sorry!
Thanks for listening. Thanks for considering. And Merry Christmas!!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Disciple??
What does it really mean to be a disciple of Christ? I have been pondering and wrestling with this question for a while now. What does it mean to really follow God? To pursue Him?
Does the Bible outline it completely? Or are there aspects that are unique to each person? Are there some common qualities and actions that should mark each and every disciple? I think there are, most definitely . . . but what are they?
I don't know . . . I really don't know . . . I mean, I have my ideas and theories, but are they Biblical? I just don't know . . . I really don't know much at all.
I just know God.
I suppose that's all each of us really needs. We need to let that relationship with Him drive everything in our lives. . . the way we walk, talk, live. We need to be the "Shadow" of Christ, mimicking His every movement.
But again, what does that mean? This all feels so ambiguous and undefined. Oh, I know that people have tried to define it. And perhaps they have, for themselves. But somehow it always fall short. Yet we keep looking, because we are a people that wants 5-steps to this, and 9-sign of that.
I just don't think there is a set formula . . . none at all. And that is really the thrill of it, the joy, isn't it? That is what makes each and every one of us special.
Does the Bible outline it completely? Or are there aspects that are unique to each person? Are there some common qualities and actions that should mark each and every disciple? I think there are, most definitely . . . but what are they?
I don't know . . . I really don't know . . . I mean, I have my ideas and theories, but are they Biblical? I just don't know . . . I really don't know much at all.
I just know God.
I suppose that's all each of us really needs. We need to let that relationship with Him drive everything in our lives. . . the way we walk, talk, live. We need to be the "Shadow" of Christ, mimicking His every movement.
But again, what does that mean? This all feels so ambiguous and undefined. Oh, I know that people have tried to define it. And perhaps they have, for themselves. But somehow it always fall short. Yet we keep looking, because we are a people that wants 5-steps to this, and 9-sign of that.
I just don't think there is a set formula . . . none at all. And that is really the thrill of it, the joy, isn't it? That is what makes each and every one of us special.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Success and God
I know some very "successful" people - people with power, wealth, position, etc. and these people seem to have it all together. They are people who have fought their way from the bottom up, and have overcome problems and issues and fears to become positive, happy, and . . . . well . . . . successful.
I have to admit this is a bit disconcerting for me. I have been taught to believe that only Christ can bring freedom, and He is the only way to get over our problems, etc, etc . . . I'm sure you've this too - even on this blog!! Yet, here are some people who have overcome major addictions and fears all on their own (or so it seems). So I sat down with God and just asked Him "How?" How can these people, through "positive thinking" or other eastern religious acts, how can they have this freedom and success that I thought was only possible from Him. Basically, I was asking (yes, I had the audacity) "why "Jesus," if we don't necessarily need Him in this process?"
His response went something like this:
"You know, Andrea, life with Me isn't about greatness - it's actually about servant hood and humility. And freedom and all that stuff is awesome, and something I want for you, but that's not what this is all about - sure, it's a great benefit and by-product, but is not all I am after. This thing is all about simply being in a relationship. What you have and they don't, is that you know Me - we talk and walk and live life together. No amount of positive thinking, overcoming fears or addictions, or freedom can produce that. That's what it's about - getting to know Me, and you do that by following Me. . . and the more you hang out with Me, the more you'll begin to act like Me, and that produces things that will change the world! Not money, power, success or any other such nonsense, but love, compassion, mercy . . ."
So, these great people may overcome and achieve, but ultimately they are the ones missing out. They are missing out on the most amazing relationship ever! They are missing out on the opportunity to truly change the world!! But, God has a way of coming into the lives of people who have it all together, and messing things up . . . I think I'm ready for God to mess up my life, and take me down the path few dare travel.
Will you join me?
I have to admit this is a bit disconcerting for me. I have been taught to believe that only Christ can bring freedom, and He is the only way to get over our problems, etc, etc . . . I'm sure you've this too - even on this blog!! Yet, here are some people who have overcome major addictions and fears all on their own (or so it seems). So I sat down with God and just asked Him "How?" How can these people, through "positive thinking" or other eastern religious acts, how can they have this freedom and success that I thought was only possible from Him. Basically, I was asking (yes, I had the audacity) "why "Jesus," if we don't necessarily need Him in this process?"
His response went something like this:
"You know, Andrea, life with Me isn't about greatness - it's actually about servant hood and humility. And freedom and all that stuff is awesome, and something I want for you, but that's not what this is all about - sure, it's a great benefit and by-product, but is not all I am after. This thing is all about simply being in a relationship. What you have and they don't, is that you know Me - we talk and walk and live life together. No amount of positive thinking, overcoming fears or addictions, or freedom can produce that. That's what it's about - getting to know Me, and you do that by following Me. . . and the more you hang out with Me, the more you'll begin to act like Me, and that produces things that will change the world! Not money, power, success or any other such nonsense, but love, compassion, mercy . . ."
So, these great people may overcome and achieve, but ultimately they are the ones missing out. They are missing out on the most amazing relationship ever! They are missing out on the opportunity to truly change the world!! But, God has a way of coming into the lives of people who have it all together, and messing things up . . . I think I'm ready for God to mess up my life, and take me down the path few dare travel.
Will you join me?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Jesus Now
Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it?? I'm getting into the groove of life, with my daughter being back in school, as well as my teaching an evening Bible study at my church . . . I will begin teaching a morning study tomorrow, as well. It's exciting, and I am just in love with the ladies who attend!! What a privilege to serve them.
So, I just read a book entitled "Something Beautiful for God," a book about Mother Teresa and her Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta . . . it was amazing!! The woman's joy and beauty are truly what we are looking for in this world - a joy and beauty from God, alone. And I have to say that between this book and another entitled "The Irresistible Revolution," I have had a lot of food for thought these days - heavy, heavy food - the kind that sits in your gut and takes a while to digest.
I've been wanting to start processing through these thoughts right here with you, but have just had trouble figuring out where to start, and how to express it all. My world has been a bit shaken up by God, and it is good - oh so good!
One of the comments the author made in "Something Beautiful For God," was basically that we spend so much time trying to get to know the "Jesus of history," yet this term is really an oxymoron, since Jesus is now . . . He is always now. Coupled with the story of love and sacrifice of Mother Teresa, this made me start thinking about how we do tend to spend most of our time getting to know the Jesus of the Bible (not that this is bad), and no time getting to know the "Jesus of now." The Jesus in the homeless man walking down the street with no shoes; the Jesus in the woman with a drug addiction and 5 neglected children; the Jesus in the cranky store clerk; the Jesus in the crazy woman on the bus; the Jesus in our neighbor, our family, our friends, our enemies. We need to get to know the Jesus around us, through Whom all things have their existence, and all people their life. The thing is, we can't get to know this Jesus through donations, or prayer, or even just looking at them and pitying them . . . we only get to know this Jesus through face-time, one-on-one face time. We need to be willing to get our hands dirty, sacrifice our time, our love, ourselves. We need to be willing to get to know these people, see their worth and beauty, and in-turn get to know the Jesus in them who gives them their worth and beauty.
It's hard . . . I wish I could tell you to follow my example, but to be honest, I'm scared . . . I'm scared to dive in, get involved, and abandon all. I don't know why - maybe because it's not necessarily easy, and it's definitely not all about me and my comfort and my needs and my desires. It will mean sacrifice and tears and tiredness and possibly heartbreak and failure, and yet why wouldn't I be willing to give so much for my Jesus?? Why, indeed . . .
Lord, give us the strength and courage to step out with You, to meet You in those around us. We are afraid to do so, yet we are more afraid of missing out on what You have for our lives. Please, hold our hands, guide our steps, and fill our hearts with Your lavish love, that we would then be able to pour it out again! We love you!
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." - Jesus
So, I just read a book entitled "Something Beautiful for God," a book about Mother Teresa and her Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta . . . it was amazing!! The woman's joy and beauty are truly what we are looking for in this world - a joy and beauty from God, alone. And I have to say that between this book and another entitled "The Irresistible Revolution," I have had a lot of food for thought these days - heavy, heavy food - the kind that sits in your gut and takes a while to digest.
I've been wanting to start processing through these thoughts right here with you, but have just had trouble figuring out where to start, and how to express it all. My world has been a bit shaken up by God, and it is good - oh so good!
One of the comments the author made in "Something Beautiful For God," was basically that we spend so much time trying to get to know the "Jesus of history," yet this term is really an oxymoron, since Jesus is now . . . He is always now. Coupled with the story of love and sacrifice of Mother Teresa, this made me start thinking about how we do tend to spend most of our time getting to know the Jesus of the Bible (not that this is bad), and no time getting to know the "Jesus of now." The Jesus in the homeless man walking down the street with no shoes; the Jesus in the woman with a drug addiction and 5 neglected children; the Jesus in the cranky store clerk; the Jesus in the crazy woman on the bus; the Jesus in our neighbor, our family, our friends, our enemies. We need to get to know the Jesus around us, through Whom all things have their existence, and all people their life. The thing is, we can't get to know this Jesus through donations, or prayer, or even just looking at them and pitying them . . . we only get to know this Jesus through face-time, one-on-one face time. We need to be willing to get our hands dirty, sacrifice our time, our love, ourselves. We need to be willing to get to know these people, see their worth and beauty, and in-turn get to know the Jesus in them who gives them their worth and beauty.
It's hard . . . I wish I could tell you to follow my example, but to be honest, I'm scared . . . I'm scared to dive in, get involved, and abandon all. I don't know why - maybe because it's not necessarily easy, and it's definitely not all about me and my comfort and my needs and my desires. It will mean sacrifice and tears and tiredness and possibly heartbreak and failure, and yet why wouldn't I be willing to give so much for my Jesus?? Why, indeed . . .
Lord, give us the strength and courage to step out with You, to meet You in those around us. We are afraid to do so, yet we are more afraid of missing out on what You have for our lives. Please, hold our hands, guide our steps, and fill our hearts with Your lavish love, that we would then be able to pour it out again! We love you!
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." - Jesus
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Kidnapped
I have a confession . . . I am desperately, intensely, and completely terrified of one thing - that my children would be kidnapped. I'm not talking about a normal concern, leading to logical safe-guards, I'm talking illogical, repressive, anxiety-causing, debilitating fear. I often tell God that is the "one thing" I couldn't handle . . . of course, He has a way of talking me "down," and I somehow go on with my life for a while until the fear rears its ugly head again, and the battle wages on.
Ultimately, the fear comes from my not being able to be there for them, to comfort them, and help them . . . I am simply held captive to this irrational fear!! Well, I'm tired of it (have been for a while, really), and with Regann getting ready to start first grade, something needed to be done.
So, God and I had a chat about it - again - this morning. He asked me if I trusted Him with Regann (now, you need to know that I have fought an irrational fear of losing Regann from the moment she was born - this fear does not seem to have extended to Nolan, I don't know why, it's not like I love him any less. It got to the point where I had to lay Regann on the "altar" every night, as I was putting her in her crib . . . well, apparently this "alter" now has a playground, a lunchroom, and a lot more freedom than I'm ready to deal with.) So, God asks me if I trust Him, to which I reply, "Of course, God . . . but (ah, the treacherous "but") but what if you would choose to hand her over to this sort of suffering . . . what if, what if, what if." Now, I'm simply recognizing God's sovereignty here - I am not in any way suggesting that God likes it, or would truly choose for this sort of thing to happen. But I can also see that God is sovereign in all things . . . UGH!! It's a weighty issue for which we have no time right now. :)
Now, I am reading in Isaiah 53, which talks about the crucifixion of Christ, and how He was crushed for us (check it out, if you have a minute - http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah%2053&version=31) . . . and this is where God took me:
God allowed His Son to be taken from Him, tortured and killed, all while He couldn't be there to comfort Him. Oh, how the Father's heart must have just ached - almost exploded - to hand Christ - His Son, His Baby, His Boy - over to that! To not be able to hold Him, and help Him in His time of greatest suffering!!! And I cannot imagine how Jesus must have felt - the one constant in His life, His Father, gone - driven away be the very sin that Jesus had come to earth to take-on and ultimately conquer . . . . I can only imagine that He just wanted His Daddy, like any child would. It brakes my heart to see the crucifixion from this perspective. To see the sacrifice from a new place, a place where I recognize the Father's agony as much (if not more, as a parent) as the Son's. Oh what a sacrifice!! Truly like none I could ever imagine.
Ultimately, I felt God saying to me, "Andrea, I already went through all of that, so you don't have to. Yet, who better to stand by a parent going through such tragedy than One who has been there too."
We truly do have a God who understands our every need, our every heart-ache, our every pain. Praise Him! Praise His holy Name!!!
And thank You, Jesus . . . thank you, Father . . . thank You, thank You, thank You.
Ultimately, the fear comes from my not being able to be there for them, to comfort them, and help them . . . I am simply held captive to this irrational fear!! Well, I'm tired of it (have been for a while, really), and with Regann getting ready to start first grade, something needed to be done.
So, God and I had a chat about it - again - this morning. He asked me if I trusted Him with Regann (now, you need to know that I have fought an irrational fear of losing Regann from the moment she was born - this fear does not seem to have extended to Nolan, I don't know why, it's not like I love him any less. It got to the point where I had to lay Regann on the "altar" every night, as I was putting her in her crib . . . well, apparently this "alter" now has a playground, a lunchroom, and a lot more freedom than I'm ready to deal with.) So, God asks me if I trust Him, to which I reply, "Of course, God . . . but (ah, the treacherous "but") but what if you would choose to hand her over to this sort of suffering . . . what if, what if, what if." Now, I'm simply recognizing God's sovereignty here - I am not in any way suggesting that God likes it, or would truly choose for this sort of thing to happen. But I can also see that God is sovereign in all things . . . UGH!! It's a weighty issue for which we have no time right now. :)
Now, I am reading in Isaiah 53, which talks about the crucifixion of Christ, and how He was crushed for us (check it out, if you have a minute - http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah%2053&version=31) . . . and this is where God took me:
God allowed His Son to be taken from Him, tortured and killed, all while He couldn't be there to comfort Him. Oh, how the Father's heart must have just ached - almost exploded - to hand Christ - His Son, His Baby, His Boy - over to that! To not be able to hold Him, and help Him in His time of greatest suffering!!! And I cannot imagine how Jesus must have felt - the one constant in His life, His Father, gone - driven away be the very sin that Jesus had come to earth to take-on and ultimately conquer . . . . I can only imagine that He just wanted His Daddy, like any child would. It brakes my heart to see the crucifixion from this perspective. To see the sacrifice from a new place, a place where I recognize the Father's agony as much (if not more, as a parent) as the Son's. Oh what a sacrifice!! Truly like none I could ever imagine.
Ultimately, I felt God saying to me, "Andrea, I already went through all of that, so you don't have to. Yet, who better to stand by a parent going through such tragedy than One who has been there too."
We truly do have a God who understands our every need, our every heart-ache, our every pain. Praise Him! Praise His holy Name!!!
And thank You, Jesus . . . thank you, Father . . . thank You, thank You, thank You.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Some Encouraging Words
From C.S. Lewis:
"But if you are a poor creature - poisoned by a wretched upbringing in some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels - saddled, by no choice of your own, with some loathsome sexual perversion - nagged day in and day out by an inferiority complex that makes you snap at your best friends - do not despair. He knows all about it. You are one of the poor whom He blessed. He knows what a wretched machine you are trying to drive. Keep on. Do what you can. One day (perhaps in another world, but perhaps far sooner than that) He will fling it on the scrapheap and give you a new one. And then you may astonish us all - not least yourself: for you have learned your driving in a hard school. (Some of the last will be first and some of the first will be last.)"
May you find this thought as encouraging as I do!!
God bless you today, as you do your best to maneuver through this thing called life.
Andrea
"But if you are a poor creature - poisoned by a wretched upbringing in some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels - saddled, by no choice of your own, with some loathsome sexual perversion - nagged day in and day out by an inferiority complex that makes you snap at your best friends - do not despair. He knows all about it. You are one of the poor whom He blessed. He knows what a wretched machine you are trying to drive. Keep on. Do what you can. One day (perhaps in another world, but perhaps far sooner than that) He will fling it on the scrapheap and give you a new one. And then you may astonish us all - not least yourself: for you have learned your driving in a hard school. (Some of the last will be first and some of the first will be last.)"
May you find this thought as encouraging as I do!!
God bless you today, as you do your best to maneuver through this thing called life.
Andrea
Thursday, July 26, 2007
A Bit of Humility
Well, God has been moving, and I have been so blessed!!
Last night I heard a message at a women's summer Bible study at my church that hit me right where I needed it. Debbie, the teacher, essentially said "Are you so focused on the kingdom that you've completely forgotten the King?" BINGO!! (I wanted to stand up and scream that at the top of my lungs, but I really wasn't sure how that would go over.) I have been so focused on the kingdom, and what I'm doing, what God is doing for me, me, me, that I have completely forgotten to just focus on God. Enjoy God. Be with Him, for no other reason than just to hang out. The simplest, most basic thing, and I had turned away from it. Forgotten it. I wish I could say it was the first time,but alas, that would be a lie. I can, however, pray it is the last (God willing).
So today I have been thinking about my attitudes toward God this summer, and my thoughts about myself. I have really felt . . . almost self-destructive, self-depricating - and that is not a healthy place to be. I can also recognize in my life an arrogance that I believe goes back to my theater training, and trying to act like I was the best so as to get the best part. I just hate it! I hate pride!! I hate arrogance!! Especially when I can recognize them in my own life.
Then it happened. God started to move, and we began to converse. I'm sure, if you have been following my blog at all, that you have noticed a down-heartedness about me, of late. I have been in a really dark place. Again, self-destructive at its core. (By the way, I believe that even self-destructive and self-depricating attitudes are another form of pride . . . essentially, I believe that anything that is "self" focused, as opposed to God focused is pride. It's all about the focus.)
Anyway, like I was saying, I just started pouring my heart out to God. Telling Him how I hated the pride in my life. I just told Him that I needed humility - however it came, however painful it needed to be - I want nothing to do with pride. I am DONE with it! I want NO MORE of it!! To which God said, "What do you think I've been doing all summer?" And BAM!!! it all fell into focus. wow. . . .
God has been giving me some time with myself this summer. (And I really haven't enjoyed it that much . . . again, I wonder, how does He put up with me??) I basically felt like He shut me in a dark room with no one but myself. (I didn't even feel like He was there, though I KNOW He was.) By forcing me to spend some time in introspection, He was reminding me that there is NO GOOD THING in me. Anything good in my life - ANYTHING (even those things that don't generally get labelled "spiritual") is all of Him, and Him alone. I am nothing without Him. I truly am no one important, a part of nothing bigger than myself, having no adventure, no fun, no joy, no peace . . . . . I feel like God was reminding me of what life apart from Him is like. An apathetic drugery.
I am simply a pen. A useless instrument, in-an-of myself. A pen trying to submit myself to the perfect, passionate, capable hands of the One who is willing to use me, allowing His love to flow through me as ink on the blank parchment of life.
Last night I heard a message at a women's summer Bible study at my church that hit me right where I needed it. Debbie, the teacher, essentially said "Are you so focused on the kingdom that you've completely forgotten the King?" BINGO!! (I wanted to stand up and scream that at the top of my lungs, but I really wasn't sure how that would go over.) I have been so focused on the kingdom, and what I'm doing, what God is doing for me, me, me, that I have completely forgotten to just focus on God. Enjoy God. Be with Him, for no other reason than just to hang out. The simplest, most basic thing, and I had turned away from it. Forgotten it. I wish I could say it was the first time,but alas, that would be a lie. I can, however, pray it is the last (God willing).
So today I have been thinking about my attitudes toward God this summer, and my thoughts about myself. I have really felt . . . almost self-destructive, self-depricating - and that is not a healthy place to be. I can also recognize in my life an arrogance that I believe goes back to my theater training, and trying to act like I was the best so as to get the best part. I just hate it! I hate pride!! I hate arrogance!! Especially when I can recognize them in my own life.
Then it happened. God started to move, and we began to converse. I'm sure, if you have been following my blog at all, that you have noticed a down-heartedness about me, of late. I have been in a really dark place. Again, self-destructive at its core. (By the way, I believe that even self-destructive and self-depricating attitudes are another form of pride . . . essentially, I believe that anything that is "self" focused, as opposed to God focused is pride. It's all about the focus.)
Anyway, like I was saying, I just started pouring my heart out to God. Telling Him how I hated the pride in my life. I just told Him that I needed humility - however it came, however painful it needed to be - I want nothing to do with pride. I am DONE with it! I want NO MORE of it!! To which God said, "What do you think I've been doing all summer?" And BAM!!! it all fell into focus. wow. . . .
God has been giving me some time with myself this summer. (And I really haven't enjoyed it that much . . . again, I wonder, how does He put up with me??) I basically felt like He shut me in a dark room with no one but myself. (I didn't even feel like He was there, though I KNOW He was.) By forcing me to spend some time in introspection, He was reminding me that there is NO GOOD THING in me. Anything good in my life - ANYTHING (even those things that don't generally get labelled "spiritual") is all of Him, and Him alone. I am nothing without Him. I truly am no one important, a part of nothing bigger than myself, having no adventure, no fun, no joy, no peace . . . . . I feel like God was reminding me of what life apart from Him is like. An apathetic drugery.
I am simply a pen. A useless instrument, in-an-of myself. A pen trying to submit myself to the perfect, passionate, capable hands of the One who is willing to use me, allowing His love to flow through me as ink on the blank parchment of life.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
A Beautiful Rebuttal
This rebuttal (of-sorts) was sent to me by a dear friend . . . it was greatly encouraging for me, and I pray it will bless you also! Thank you, Kay, for the wonderful message I so greatly needed to hear.
Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it??
I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? You bet we are just 'common folks' and thank God for that...because I Corin. 1:26-27 tells us that He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; the weak to shame the strong...
I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!
II Corin. 12:10 clearly tells us you are so right in this evaluation....as 'for when I am weak, then I am strong' - how does that work? check it out in Hebrews 5:1-3 where He tells us ... Every high priest is selected from among men.....and that he is subject to weakness...that is why he offers sacrifices for his sins and those of the people. We may not be priests, but we are His disciples and we are told to 'offer our bodies as living sacrifices', in Romans 12:1. We are also told in James that indeed we will face trials of many kinds and that we are often tested in order to receive perseverance, so we may be mature and complete - in Him.
Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place.
I have a framed saying that reminds me that Christ said, in so many words, "I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truly what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life.
Ephesians 6:12 tells us you are right again.....we have quite a formidable foe......the powers of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. However in II Chronicles 20:15 He tells us not to be afraid or discouraged for the battle is not yours, but God's.
(Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?
Nothing; nothing that is except for the human need to be in control....problem with that is that ....as we see in John 15:5....we can do nothing without being attached to Jesus.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.
Isaiah 40:31 tells us that they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.....His strength is what makes us strong.....His yoke is light....His rewards unfathomable....so wait, sweet child of God, and He will supply all your needs and answer all your questions....in His time.
And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.
Every Christian woman you know, if she is truly trying to be all she can be for God, experiences the same bouts of doubt, wonder, and distress that you are experiencing. Thankfully, we have a God who can do all things.
In His love, and praying for you, Kay
Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it??
I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? You bet we are just 'common folks' and thank God for that...because I Corin. 1:26-27 tells us that He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; the weak to shame the strong...
I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!
II Corin. 12:10 clearly tells us you are so right in this evaluation....as 'for when I am weak, then I am strong' - how does that work? check it out in Hebrews 5:1-3 where He tells us ... Every high priest is selected from among men.....and that he is subject to weakness...that is why he offers sacrifices for his sins and those of the people. We may not be priests, but we are His disciples and we are told to 'offer our bodies as living sacrifices', in Romans 12:1. We are also told in James that indeed we will face trials of many kinds and that we are often tested in order to receive perseverance, so we may be mature and complete - in Him.
Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place.
I have a framed saying that reminds me that Christ said, in so many words, "I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truly what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life.
Ephesians 6:12 tells us you are right again.....we have quite a formidable foe......the powers of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. However in II Chronicles 20:15 He tells us not to be afraid or discouraged for the battle is not yours, but God's.
(Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?
Nothing; nothing that is except for the human need to be in control....problem with that is that ....as we see in John 15:5....we can do nothing without being attached to Jesus.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.
Isaiah 40:31 tells us that they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.....His strength is what makes us strong.....His yoke is light....His rewards unfathomable....so wait, sweet child of God, and He will supply all your needs and answer all your questions....in His time.
And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.
Every Christian woman you know, if she is truly trying to be all she can be for God, experiences the same bouts of doubt, wonder, and distress that you are experiencing. Thankfully, we have a God who can do all things.
In His love, and praying for you, Kay
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Quite the battle
Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it??
I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!
Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place. But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truely what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life. (Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.
And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.
I've really been wrestling with some stuff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to even verbalize it. At first glance, I'd like to call it depression, but I think that's just too simple . . . I think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm at this place where I want to know - I mean really know - that I am a part, an integral, important part of something bigger than me. Oh, I know it in my brain, but the reasoning side of me tells me it's all just ego, just smoke and mirrors. I'm just another common person wishing for an uncommon life. Is this true?? I don't know for sure. I think God is up to something. Perhaps He bringeth me low to teach me yet another important principal of the Christian life. This happens a lot for me . . . . and generally He seems to be teaching me the same things over and over again. You'd think I would learn. UGH!!
Which brings me to my next point - or struggle, if you will. Why is this all so darned difficult!!! I mean, it's simple - follow Christ, and all else falls into place. But while that sounds so easy, in practice it proves to be a formidable . . . dare I say "foe"? That's truely what it feels like sometimes. A foe. Something working with all its might against me in every possible way, to bring me down and remind me in every way that I cannot possibly ever attain this Christian way of life. (Another good lesson - boy, they just keep stacking up, don't they?) Foe, indeed. Yet, I have the ultimate Victor at my side; in fact, within me! So, why can't I seem to tap into this fathomless, bottomless power? What is wrong with me?
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?" I find myself screaming to the heavens. No reply. Actually, I'm pretty sure He's replying, I'm just not listening.
And so the lesson drags on, and I find myself longing ever-more for heaven. Oh, don't worry, there is no death wish here . . . . simply a woman truly finding the depth of emotion found in Paul's sentiment in Philippians 1:21 - "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Each day I live for Christ, praying that He will show up in some way and renew my passion, renew my strength, renew my purpose, renew my life.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Faith
The message at church today (I went to Boyd Avenue Baptist Church, here in Casper) was a good one! Quinn, the pastor, talked about Shadrach, Mishach, and Abednego and their tremendous, unshakable faith in God. He talked about how they had established their faith and grounded it in God WAY before the crisis hit.
Made me stop and think about myself . . . is my faith solid like that? Have I made up my mind, I mean REALLY made it up, that I will not go with the crowd, no matter how lucritive and influential, if it means turning my back on God? Have I placed my whole self in the God arena? I don't know. I'd like to think I have, but if that's all the further I can take it, then I have to wonder.
Today, however, I have made up my mind, and it's God or nothin' for this crazy chick! That's not all that easy to say, considering the people in my life who do not side with God, but it's the decision I have to make. A decision I gladly make in view of all He has done for me.
Will you join me??
Made me stop and think about myself . . . is my faith solid like that? Have I made up my mind, I mean REALLY made it up, that I will not go with the crowd, no matter how lucritive and influential, if it means turning my back on God? Have I placed my whole self in the God arena? I don't know. I'd like to think I have, but if that's all the further I can take it, then I have to wonder.
Today, however, I have made up my mind, and it's God or nothin' for this crazy chick! That's not all that easy to say, considering the people in my life who do not side with God, but it's the decision I have to make. A decision I gladly make in view of all He has done for me.
Will you join me??
Friday, June 22, 2007
Well, Here I Am . . .
in Wyoming!! I would LOVE to tell you all that the weather is cool and wonderful, but that would be a lie. It seems I brought the heat with me. UGH!!
The drive up was fun, though I think we hit every city (major and minor), and one road-side stop between Mesa and Albuquerque - nothing like traveling with sick kids!! We pushed hard and made it all the way to north Denver by 1:15 am . . . it was a long trip, and my little guy was not happy with me. It was another tangible (and very loud) reminder that I have been tasked with being the advocate for my kids. They trust me to take care of them . . . What a blessing to know that Jesus will NEVER let me down as my Advocate. He will ALWAYS do what is best for me, He is ALWAYS on my side. I wish I could say that I am the same with my kids. God forgive me.
Anyway, I am so happy to be here with my family, though I miss my hubby. I am definitely taking some time to just relax, do nothing, play computer games, eat Cheetos and drink Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi . . . Ahhh, the good life!! :)
I love this country. It is beautiful, wild, open, and free . . . I can most certainly see why this is called "God's Country" by so many. It is my prayer that He will meet me here, and delight me, surprise me, woo me, and draw me in. I'm sure He has something in store, planned for me during this time - let's just pray that I'm not so dense or oblivious that I completely miss it!
God bless you all!
The drive up was fun, though I think we hit every city (major and minor), and one road-side stop between Mesa and Albuquerque - nothing like traveling with sick kids!! We pushed hard and made it all the way to north Denver by 1:15 am . . . it was a long trip, and my little guy was not happy with me. It was another tangible (and very loud) reminder that I have been tasked with being the advocate for my kids. They trust me to take care of them . . . What a blessing to know that Jesus will NEVER let me down as my Advocate. He will ALWAYS do what is best for me, He is ALWAYS on my side. I wish I could say that I am the same with my kids. God forgive me.
Anyway, I am so happy to be here with my family, though I miss my hubby. I am definitely taking some time to just relax, do nothing, play computer games, eat Cheetos and drink Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi . . . Ahhh, the good life!! :)
I love this country. It is beautiful, wild, open, and free . . . I can most certainly see why this is called "God's Country" by so many. It is my prayer that He will meet me here, and delight me, surprise me, woo me, and draw me in. I'm sure He has something in store, planned for me during this time - let's just pray that I'm not so dense or oblivious that I completely miss it!
God bless you all!
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Howdy, howdy, howdy
I wonder how many times in a day I ignore God.
I wonder how often I make Him cry.
I wonder if He ever just wants to slap me across the face. (Oh, He's done it before . . . sometimes that's exactly what I need)
I wonder what it will be like to finally hold His hand, see His face, and dance with Him.
I wonder if my life pleases Him right now.
I wonder how my life weaves into the tapestry of this world.
I wonder, and this a lot, why He keeps after me, pursuing me with all that He is, when I am so marginal in so many ways.
He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He's all I could ever want or need or desire.
He is my very definition - all that I am, all that I hope to be. Strip me of all else, but give me God, for He is my everything.
I wonder how often I make Him cry.
I wonder if He ever just wants to slap me across the face. (Oh, He's done it before . . . sometimes that's exactly what I need)
I wonder what it will be like to finally hold His hand, see His face, and dance with Him.
I wonder if my life pleases Him right now.
I wonder how my life weaves into the tapestry of this world.
I wonder, and this a lot, why He keeps after me, pursuing me with all that He is, when I am so marginal in so many ways.
He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He's all I could ever want or need or desire.
He is my very definition - all that I am, all that I hope to be. Strip me of all else, but give me God, for He is my everything.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
God is Faithful!
Well, I taught last night, and just as I knew He would be, God was faithful!! I marvel at His faithfulness, despite all the ways I fall short. 2 Timothy 2:11-13 says, "Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." Generally it's tit for tat, but not in faithfulness . . . not in anything that is the character of God - love, grace, mercy, faithfulness . . . despite our lack of reciprocation, God cannot deny Himself, and that means He remains those things toward us, even when we don't return the favor.
WOW!
I am almost in tears, as I consider all that God has done (and is doing) for me, and those I know. I marvel that He can "put up" with me when I'm in such a funky mood! Yet, as my dear friend reminded me yesterday, I cannot go by how I feel, I must go by what I know. And I know that God is faithful, that He will see my through, that He is near, and that He is love. I'm such a "feely" person, yet my feelings betray me constantly.
And so I put my head down, and plow on. I stay in the Word, I keep talking to God, and I trust that He is using this time in my life to prepare me for whatever is next. It is a time of pruning - it hurts, but the resulting growth will be so worth it!
Otherwise, I'm getting ready to go back home for a while - to Wyoming. Oh, how my heart longs for "home" - I am truly a Wyoming girl at heart! I pray that it will be a time of rest and rejuvenation. I pray that God will renew my heart with His wild passion, so that I can then pass the passion along to all those around me . . . for passion is caught, it cannot be taught.
And though I may not know your name, I am praying for you. That God would prove Himself true and faithful in your life - whether you feel Him, or not; whether you believe in Him or not. :) That actually reminds me of my favorite movie line ever. It's from "The Count of Monte Cristo," and when the main character, Edmond, is in prison with a priest, the priest tells him to live for God, that it is His to avenge. Edmond replies "I don't believe in God," to which the priest says, "It doesn't matter, He believes in you."
God believes in you, and He believes in me . . . . that is the greatest miracle!
WOW!
I am almost in tears, as I consider all that God has done (and is doing) for me, and those I know. I marvel that He can "put up" with me when I'm in such a funky mood! Yet, as my dear friend reminded me yesterday, I cannot go by how I feel, I must go by what I know. And I know that God is faithful, that He will see my through, that He is near, and that He is love. I'm such a "feely" person, yet my feelings betray me constantly.
And so I put my head down, and plow on. I stay in the Word, I keep talking to God, and I trust that He is using this time in my life to prepare me for whatever is next. It is a time of pruning - it hurts, but the resulting growth will be so worth it!
Otherwise, I'm getting ready to go back home for a while - to Wyoming. Oh, how my heart longs for "home" - I am truly a Wyoming girl at heart! I pray that it will be a time of rest and rejuvenation. I pray that God will renew my heart with His wild passion, so that I can then pass the passion along to all those around me . . . for passion is caught, it cannot be taught.
And though I may not know your name, I am praying for you. That God would prove Himself true and faithful in your life - whether you feel Him, or not; whether you believe in Him or not. :) That actually reminds me of my favorite movie line ever. It's from "The Count of Monte Cristo," and when the main character, Edmond, is in prison with a priest, the priest tells him to live for God, that it is His to avenge. Edmond replies "I don't believe in God," to which the priest says, "It doesn't matter, He believes in you."
God believes in you, and He believes in me . . . . that is the greatest miracle!
Saturday, June 09, 2007
How long?
Psalm 13:1-2
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?"
Yep, that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days. I mean, words can't quite express the true depth and complexity of it all, but this comes pretty close. And all this while I'm preparing to teach this Wednesday. GASP! I know. Most people would probably say I need to bow out humbly, and allow someone who is "high" on God to step up and teach. Believe me, I've thought about it, and prayed about it. At which point I felt God say to me "No, Andrea, I want you to teach from exactly this place. These women need to know that they aren't the only ones who feel this way, that this is not a mark of being a bad Christian. They need to know that they will get through it and that it will be OK. I want you to teach from this place, a place of honesty, since honesty is what you'll be teaching on." Wow.
So, I journey on in my preparations, and God has proved faithful every step of the way, though the next step always seems hidden from view. So, I grasp His hand and keep-on. Here is the wonderful thing I am discovering in all of this (something most of you probably already know - I'm quite slow and dense) - our feelings betray us. I am so blessed to know God and His Word well enough to know that He is near, He is always near, nearer than my own breath, even when it doesn't feel like it. While I feel forgotten, I am far from it. In fact, I am on His mind and in His thoughts this very moment. He is right here with me, holding my hand, placing my every step to get me through this.
So, dear friend, pray for me as I limp along. Pray for me this Wednesday as I stand up and open my mouth on behalf of God. Pray that in and through my honesty the Spirit will pour out His mighty power on me and all those who listen, that God would be pleased and glorified through it all.
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?"
Yep, that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days. I mean, words can't quite express the true depth and complexity of it all, but this comes pretty close. And all this while I'm preparing to teach this Wednesday. GASP! I know. Most people would probably say I need to bow out humbly, and allow someone who is "high" on God to step up and teach. Believe me, I've thought about it, and prayed about it. At which point I felt God say to me "No, Andrea, I want you to teach from exactly this place. These women need to know that they aren't the only ones who feel this way, that this is not a mark of being a bad Christian. They need to know that they will get through it and that it will be OK. I want you to teach from this place, a place of honesty, since honesty is what you'll be teaching on." Wow.
So, I journey on in my preparations, and God has proved faithful every step of the way, though the next step always seems hidden from view. So, I grasp His hand and keep-on. Here is the wonderful thing I am discovering in all of this (something most of you probably already know - I'm quite slow and dense) - our feelings betray us. I am so blessed to know God and His Word well enough to know that He is near, He is always near, nearer than my own breath, even when it doesn't feel like it. While I feel forgotten, I am far from it. In fact, I am on His mind and in His thoughts this very moment. He is right here with me, holding my hand, placing my every step to get me through this.
So, dear friend, pray for me as I limp along. Pray for me this Wednesday as I stand up and open my mouth on behalf of God. Pray that in and through my honesty the Spirit will pour out His mighty power on me and all those who listen, that God would be pleased and glorified through it all.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Confessions
Alright, so I'm going to "vomit" all over you, and spill my guts. :)
My discipline has gone completely out the window!! I suppose this is one of the symptoms I display when depressed. Though I am feeling better (not great, but better), it seems the lack of discipline is sticking with me.
I'm having trouble making time in the morning for God. I'm having trouble with my eating and my sleeping (while those may not seem like bad things, they are when I over-indulge, and that is my issue right now). Even my spending is starting to spin out-of-control! And I just feel hopeless, like there is nothing I can do to get back on track.
So, as you can see, I could really use your prayers right now. I know that God is in all of this, somehow, yet I can't seem to see Him. I want to desire Him and His Word above all, but right now I just want to eat, sleep, and shop. Sounds a bit like a baby, doesn't it? UGH! That's what I feel like I'm being right now.
On top of this, I am trying to prepare for a lesson I'm teaching on June 13 for our church's Summer Bible Study for women. I'm trying to get homework written for the lesson, and I'm trying to get going for the fall study I'm writing . . . it all just seems like too much, and I'm beginning to wonder if it will happen at all. So, I'm just having to completely trust God to work in and through all of this, somehow. I know God will do it. I know He will.
OK, sorry to completely rain on your parade today. Like you don't have enough of your own problems to think about, now I've dumped all of mine on you. The really silly thing is that my problems really aren't very problematic at all, in the whole scheme of things. When compared to what people in other countries face, my stuff seems so stupid. Yet, these problems are mine, and that makes them more difficult, miserable, and, well, mine. I feel like they are affecting my effectiveness for God, and I really HATE that!!
Well, I'd better let you go . . . I need to get my daughter ready for a birthday party and get on with my day. May you be blessed today in all that you do!
Love - Andrea
PS - Thanks for listening - I feel so much better! :)
My discipline has gone completely out the window!! I suppose this is one of the symptoms I display when depressed. Though I am feeling better (not great, but better), it seems the lack of discipline is sticking with me.
I'm having trouble making time in the morning for God. I'm having trouble with my eating and my sleeping (while those may not seem like bad things, they are when I over-indulge, and that is my issue right now). Even my spending is starting to spin out-of-control! And I just feel hopeless, like there is nothing I can do to get back on track.
So, as you can see, I could really use your prayers right now. I know that God is in all of this, somehow, yet I can't seem to see Him. I want to desire Him and His Word above all, but right now I just want to eat, sleep, and shop. Sounds a bit like a baby, doesn't it? UGH! That's what I feel like I'm being right now.
On top of this, I am trying to prepare for a lesson I'm teaching on June 13 for our church's Summer Bible Study for women. I'm trying to get homework written for the lesson, and I'm trying to get going for the fall study I'm writing . . . it all just seems like too much, and I'm beginning to wonder if it will happen at all. So, I'm just having to completely trust God to work in and through all of this, somehow. I know God will do it. I know He will.
OK, sorry to completely rain on your parade today. Like you don't have enough of your own problems to think about, now I've dumped all of mine on you. The really silly thing is that my problems really aren't very problematic at all, in the whole scheme of things. When compared to what people in other countries face, my stuff seems so stupid. Yet, these problems are mine, and that makes them more difficult, miserable, and, well, mine. I feel like they are affecting my effectiveness for God, and I really HATE that!!
Well, I'd better let you go . . . I need to get my daughter ready for a birthday party and get on with my day. May you be blessed today in all that you do!
Love - Andrea
PS - Thanks for listening - I feel so much better! :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Self-Esteem
My heart breaks for people (especially women) these days, as we try to live up to this standard that has somehow been put into our heads. We have these notions of who we should be, and how we should look. Even as Christians we have this concept of how we should behave, and feel, and look, and talk, and live life. We begin to evaluate ourselves and compare ourselves to this standard . . . only to discover that we fall far short.
I am convinced that we need to stop looking at ourselves, and comparing ourselves to this standard or even to each other, and instead begin to look to God. We need to ask Him how He views us, how He loves us, how He esteems us. As Christians, we will discover that He esteems us much higher than we think He does, much higher than we tend to esteem ourselves. You see, He sees us through Christ, and in Christ we are perfect, righteous, and good. He is much more excited and delighted about our victories, than He is disappointed in our defeats.
I believe that anything "self" is simply pride - even "self-esteem." It is a focus on ourselves, instead of a focus on God. If only we can begin to see ourselves through God's eyes, instead of our own or those of the culture around us. It will be through this focus that we will find the confidence we so desire, as the radiance of God, Himself, will shine through us, drawing those around us toward the God who loves them so deeply and so passionately.
I am convinced that we need to stop looking at ourselves, and comparing ourselves to this standard or even to each other, and instead begin to look to God. We need to ask Him how He views us, how He loves us, how He esteems us. As Christians, we will discover that He esteems us much higher than we think He does, much higher than we tend to esteem ourselves. You see, He sees us through Christ, and in Christ we are perfect, righteous, and good. He is much more excited and delighted about our victories, than He is disappointed in our defeats.
I believe that anything "self" is simply pride - even "self-esteem." It is a focus on ourselves, instead of a focus on God. If only we can begin to see ourselves through God's eyes, instead of our own or those of the culture around us. It will be through this focus that we will find the confidence we so desire, as the radiance of God, Himself, will shine through us, drawing those around us toward the God who loves them so deeply and so passionately.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Lindsay Lohan and Others
Many of you probably already know that I have a heart for artists, especially those caught up in the craziness we call "Hollywood." Here's the thing - artists are passionate, by nature, that is what makes them artists . . . being an artist, I know that we can get caught up in this passion high cycle. When life is good and things are zipping along, passion is high, and we are happy. But when life gets boring, begins to simply cycle around and around, we get bored and start looking for something else to spice things up. Enter all sorts of stupid substances and activities . . .
My heart breaks for Lindsay Lohan. I cannot imagine how people can live their entire lives in the limelight, up on a pedestal, expected to be the example, when they are human and have issues just like us. I have to say that it is only by the grace of God that I didn't get into drugs and all that when I was in college. The Lord knows it was there, and it was offered . . . somehow, He kept me clean in that respect.
Hollywood needs Jesus . . . I cannot imagine how amazing it would be if these men and women would get passionate about Jesus instead of . . . whatever their latest passion is. Passion misdirected is always bound to take us down a road of difficulty and dissatisfaction. The one's who really break my heart are those who claim to know Jesus, yet they are searching for passion like everyone else. Yet, I know there are those in Hollywood who offer a glimpse into a life lived completely surrendered to God. They reflect a God of passion to those around them . . . God, give them strength!
Oh how I want these artists to see that Jesus is the only One who can take our passion without abusing it, and actually increase it exponentially in a safe and wonderful way! He is my adventure, my comfort, my wild-and-crazy, my uncontrollable, my safe and secure, my everything I could ever need.
Let's pray for Hollywood, and pray for those who need the strength to reflect God's glory onto the passionate, but lost people around them.
My heart breaks for Lindsay Lohan. I cannot imagine how people can live their entire lives in the limelight, up on a pedestal, expected to be the example, when they are human and have issues just like us. I have to say that it is only by the grace of God that I didn't get into drugs and all that when I was in college. The Lord knows it was there, and it was offered . . . somehow, He kept me clean in that respect.
Hollywood needs Jesus . . . I cannot imagine how amazing it would be if these men and women would get passionate about Jesus instead of . . . whatever their latest passion is. Passion misdirected is always bound to take us down a road of difficulty and dissatisfaction. The one's who really break my heart are those who claim to know Jesus, yet they are searching for passion like everyone else. Yet, I know there are those in Hollywood who offer a glimpse into a life lived completely surrendered to God. They reflect a God of passion to those around them . . . God, give them strength!
Oh how I want these artists to see that Jesus is the only One who can take our passion without abusing it, and actually increase it exponentially in a safe and wonderful way! He is my adventure, my comfort, my wild-and-crazy, my uncontrollable, my safe and secure, my everything I could ever need.
Let's pray for Hollywood, and pray for those who need the strength to reflect God's glory onto the passionate, but lost people around them.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
A Good Day
I had a wonderful day today.
A group of my friends and family were able to get together and surprise me at a tea house for my birthday! I love surprises!! And what a wonderful one - to be surrounded by such loving women was definitely a lift to my spirits. Ah, the Body of Christ at work. The fellowship was sweet, and the food was really good too (though it took 2 hours to get it . . . no lie . . . no, I'm not exaggerating!) It feels good to be loved. They even got a 2-for-1 - I had a pity-party right in the middle of the birthday party. And let me tell you, there is nothing like a good group of friends to make you GET OVER IT!!! :) I'm so glad they did.
Then, this afternoon, my daughter Regann got her very first Bible!! It may seem silly to some people, but for me this is a momentous occasion! She even picked out a Bible cover that says "Jesus Loves Me." She picked that one out, just because it says that. Oh the simple, wonderful wisdom of children . . . Chris, my hubby, and I were talking on the way to get the Bible about the possibility of my going to Nepal in the spring on a mission trip with some ladies from my Bible study. I'm super excited about it, but we were talking about logistics. It came up that Chris' mom may be able to help with watching the kids so that he wouldn't have to take so much time off. In the end we agreed we would continue to pray and talk about it. At this point Regann asked what we were talking about, and I explained it to her. She asked me "Is it about Jesus, mommy?" To which I replied "yes." Her response?? (Oh, it's priceless) "Well, mommy, if it's a God-thing, then you have to go." Wow. Even now I am floored at the wisdom of it. From the mouth of a not-quite-6-year-old. Oh, how I love that sweet, sweet girl!!
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you my day, and the wonderful ways in which God lifted my spirits. (I didn't even mention the shopping at my favorite Christian boutique . . . shopping ALWAYS helps me!!) I am feeling better about life, and the prospects it holds for me.
Much love!
Andrea
A group of my friends and family were able to get together and surprise me at a tea house for my birthday! I love surprises!! And what a wonderful one - to be surrounded by such loving women was definitely a lift to my spirits. Ah, the Body of Christ at work. The fellowship was sweet, and the food was really good too (though it took 2 hours to get it . . . no lie . . . no, I'm not exaggerating!) It feels good to be loved. They even got a 2-for-1 - I had a pity-party right in the middle of the birthday party. And let me tell you, there is nothing like a good group of friends to make you GET OVER IT!!! :) I'm so glad they did.
Then, this afternoon, my daughter Regann got her very first Bible!! It may seem silly to some people, but for me this is a momentous occasion! She even picked out a Bible cover that says "Jesus Loves Me." She picked that one out, just because it says that. Oh the simple, wonderful wisdom of children . . . Chris, my hubby, and I were talking on the way to get the Bible about the possibility of my going to Nepal in the spring on a mission trip with some ladies from my Bible study. I'm super excited about it, but we were talking about logistics. It came up that Chris' mom may be able to help with watching the kids so that he wouldn't have to take so much time off. In the end we agreed we would continue to pray and talk about it. At this point Regann asked what we were talking about, and I explained it to her. She asked me "Is it about Jesus, mommy?" To which I replied "yes." Her response?? (Oh, it's priceless) "Well, mommy, if it's a God-thing, then you have to go." Wow. Even now I am floored at the wisdom of it. From the mouth of a not-quite-6-year-old. Oh, how I love that sweet, sweet girl!!
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you my day, and the wonderful ways in which God lifted my spirits. (I didn't even mention the shopping at my favorite Christian boutique . . . shopping ALWAYS helps me!!) I am feeling better about life, and the prospects it holds for me.
Much love!
Andrea
Friday, May 25, 2007
30 Years Old!
I'm 30 today . . . I feel like it should be affecting me more. Really, I think I'm looking forward to it - after-all, 30 is the age of spiritual leadership in Jewish culture. I can't wait to see what God has in-store for me. David became king at 30 and Jesus began His public ministry at 30 as well. Not that I am any David, and certainly no Jesus, but I figure God can do anything . . .
In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .
Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.
Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."
Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!
Thanks for listening!!
In the mean-time, I'm just feeling spiritually blah. Ever been there? My discipline is trying its best to go down the drain, and I just want to give up in many aspects. Satan is trying to play this depression for all it's worth whispering all sorts of crazy things in my head. UGH!! I know this season will pass, and will help me to be more fruitful in the long-run, but for now it feels like it will never end. And I just want to eat and sleep the days away . . .
Today, in my quiet-time, I was reading from Psalm 92, where it says, " For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of Your hands. How great are Your works, O Lord, how profound Your thoughts!" Oh, how I wish this described me today. I have been asking God to reveal to me His "unfailing love" for the last couple of weeks, to no avail. It is not that I think His love is not unfailing, or that He does not care . . . He just has something else planned. Or perhaps I am just looking in the wrong place for this unfailing love. Does He not show His love in the way He prunes all the "dead branches" off, so that I will not wither and die, but will instead produce more abundant and beautiful fruit? However, I'm afraid I may just give-up in the mean-time. I miss the days when I truly could rejoice at the work of God's hands - I noticed it every day. When He would whisper His profound thoughts into my heart . . . I miss it . . . I miss Him.
Oh, I know He is still here. He is probably closer than ever - seems it's harder to see someone when they are right next to you, perhaps even carrying you. But that's what I need right now - more than a crutch, I need a stretcher. As He prunes and cuts away all the junk, He will also heal and mend me, and I have enough junk to require a stretcher for the time being. I just can't wait for the day when I can truly rejoice, even, no especially, in the midst of a painful season of "cut-backs," and "down-sizing."
Ah, the joys of 30 . . . strange . . .that is the one delightful thing about today. Nothing like a birthday to make you smile. :) Boy, I'm a real barrel of laughs today, aren't I? WHEW!
Thanks for listening!!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Where To Start??
Hello friends!
It's been a while, hasn't it?? I finished up teaching my Bible Study in April, and launched directly into serving at my church's women's retreat. It has definitely been a season of heavy ministry, fruitful ministry, and exhausting ministry. I have stopped blogging, mainly because I didn't think I had anything profound to say. Then I realized that sometime you don't need to hear something profound, you just need to know that even when nothing profound is happening, life goes on, and so does our faith.
I am actually dealing with some depression. Seems to be common for me when I come out of a season of ministry. I think perhaps this is my time of pruning and shaping. It's time for God to go in and cut off all the dead branches, and trim back the growth I've experienced, all so that I can be that much more fruitfull come this fall. I don't know . . . that's just what it feels like. I am dealing with some issues in my life that I thought I had handled - some feelings that I thought were dealt with . . . apparently I was wrong. I think, perhaps, they were simply suppressed and now the events have come around pulling them up to the surface as God says "It's time - let's deal with this!!" UGH!!! (That is me throwing a fit at the foot of the throne. . . don't worry, He's used to it, poor chap!!)
Anyway, I hope to visit with you more often . . . I'm not even sure you're out there anymore. But if you are, it's good to have you there. Maybe I'll even have a profound thought or two that I can share. In the meantime, let's just do life together, learn from each other, and encourage and challenge each other, shall we??
All my love - Andrea
It's been a while, hasn't it?? I finished up teaching my Bible Study in April, and launched directly into serving at my church's women's retreat. It has definitely been a season of heavy ministry, fruitful ministry, and exhausting ministry. I have stopped blogging, mainly because I didn't think I had anything profound to say. Then I realized that sometime you don't need to hear something profound, you just need to know that even when nothing profound is happening, life goes on, and so does our faith.
I am actually dealing with some depression. Seems to be common for me when I come out of a season of ministry. I think perhaps this is my time of pruning and shaping. It's time for God to go in and cut off all the dead branches, and trim back the growth I've experienced, all so that I can be that much more fruitfull come this fall. I don't know . . . that's just what it feels like. I am dealing with some issues in my life that I thought I had handled - some feelings that I thought were dealt with . . . apparently I was wrong. I think, perhaps, they were simply suppressed and now the events have come around pulling them up to the surface as God says "It's time - let's deal with this!!" UGH!!! (That is me throwing a fit at the foot of the throne. . . don't worry, He's used to it, poor chap!!)
Anyway, I hope to visit with you more often . . . I'm not even sure you're out there anymore. But if you are, it's good to have you there. Maybe I'll even have a profound thought or two that I can share. In the meantime, let's just do life together, learn from each other, and encourage and challenge each other, shall we??
All my love - Andrea
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Honoring and Respecting Authority
2 Samuel 1:11-12
11 Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them. 12 They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the LORD and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.
I find it so interesting and compelling to think of David mourning and fasting over the death of Saul - a man who repeatedly hunted him down and tried to kill him. David even had to flee into Philistine country in order to escape the hand of this king! Yet, at all times, David respected Saul, loved Saul, and called him (even after his death) "the anointed of the Lord." At no time was David ever threatened by Saul's position (Samuel had anointed David king of Israel years earlier, at the leading of God), nor did he ever dishonor him as king.
What a remarkable lesson we can learn here! We all have (or have had) people in authority over us that we do not agree with, do not like, or even just seem to have it out for us! We feel justified in disliking them, dishonoring them to others, and disrespecting their authority. David knew something we would all be wise to remember - there is no authority in heaven or earth that God has not placed Himself. It is no different in our lives. Whether at work, church, or even as a nation, these people in authority have been given their authority from God Himself, and we would be wise to honor and respect that.
The only times David ever spoke ill of Saul were in his times with God. God alone can hear the honesty (pretty or not) of our hearts, and not let it be damaging to us or to those around us. So, if you really need to tell on someone, or complain about them - go to God. For He is safe, and He is trustworthy, and He can turn the tables by letting us see His perspective in the matter.
Is there someone in authority over your life today that you are having trouble honoring and respecting? Take it to God - pour out your heart to Him, and then trust Him to deal with that person in His way, and His time. In the mean-time, let's do our best to respect these people, and give them the honor they require, as servants of the Most High God (whether they realize it or not).
11 Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them. 12 They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the LORD and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.
I find it so interesting and compelling to think of David mourning and fasting over the death of Saul - a man who repeatedly hunted him down and tried to kill him. David even had to flee into Philistine country in order to escape the hand of this king! Yet, at all times, David respected Saul, loved Saul, and called him (even after his death) "the anointed of the Lord." At no time was David ever threatened by Saul's position (Samuel had anointed David king of Israel years earlier, at the leading of God), nor did he ever dishonor him as king.
What a remarkable lesson we can learn here! We all have (or have had) people in authority over us that we do not agree with, do not like, or even just seem to have it out for us! We feel justified in disliking them, dishonoring them to others, and disrespecting their authority. David knew something we would all be wise to remember - there is no authority in heaven or earth that God has not placed Himself. It is no different in our lives. Whether at work, church, or even as a nation, these people in authority have been given their authority from God Himself, and we would be wise to honor and respect that.
The only times David ever spoke ill of Saul were in his times with God. God alone can hear the honesty (pretty or not) of our hearts, and not let it be damaging to us or to those around us. So, if you really need to tell on someone, or complain about them - go to God. For He is safe, and He is trustworthy, and He can turn the tables by letting us see His perspective in the matter.
Is there someone in authority over your life today that you are having trouble honoring and respecting? Take it to God - pour out your heart to Him, and then trust Him to deal with that person in His way, and His time. In the mean-time, let's do our best to respect these people, and give them the honor they require, as servants of the Most High God (whether they realize it or not).
Monday, March 12, 2007
Simple but Difficult
Belated Blessings, my dear friends!
Today, I simply wanted to reflect on a quote from a movie I saw a few weeks ago that has been resonating in my head ever-since. It is from the movie "Bobby Jones" (or something along those lines) about the amateur golfer who won the "Grand Slam" - the only golfer in history. An interesting story, and thought provoking, making me think about why I do what I do. Anyway, at one point in the movie, Bobby Jones sits down next to his friend during a golf match and says "The longer I play this game, the harder it gets."
Yeah, that pretty much says it all. That is exactly how I feel about this Christian journey. The more I learn and the longer I journey, the harder it gets!
Golf is a simple game - get the ball in the hole. Yet there is so much more to it. While that is the focus of the game, there are many obstacles and traps along the way. Not to mention the fact that every hole is different from the last, and must be approached a little differently within the structure of the game.
This causes me to reflect on the simplicity of it all - Jesus Christ. Is my focus on Him, alone. Is getting to know Him my goal? Or has my service for Him become my goal? Or my disciplines toward Him? Or my thoughts and teachings about Him? These things are wonderful, yet they are simply tools - our golf clubs, if you will - to get to know Him, get a little closer to Him with each stroke. If He, alone, is my goal, all else will come with. Yet, if I have any other goal, however noble or beautiful, I will miss the true goal altogether.
We have really complicated this Christian walk, haven't we? We have made it a maze, when in fact, it is a narrow path, traversed by the One who wishes us to follow Him. Yet, while it is simple, it is still difficult - so easy to get side-tracked or stuck, or feel as though we fallen 100 strokes behind. And just when we think we've got it, we move on the next hole, only to find it a little different from the last. I believe that God wants us to pursue Him. And not just pursue Him, but desire Him, long for Him, work for Him (though we do not have to); just as He pursues us, desires us, longs for us, and works for us. It is in the very simplicity of our journey with Christ that it feels so difficult. Sometimes I wonder if we make it difficult, just because we think it should be.
I know these thoughts feel scattered and incomplete, but so does this Christian life. So what is there to do? I cannot tell you that - I am simply thinking out-loud. I believe we must simply follow Jesus with all that we are, trusting Him around every bend, and giving Him all that we have and all that we are. We must use everything within us and around us to get to know Him a little better.
Today, I simply wanted to reflect on a quote from a movie I saw a few weeks ago that has been resonating in my head ever-since. It is from the movie "Bobby Jones" (or something along those lines) about the amateur golfer who won the "Grand Slam" - the only golfer in history. An interesting story, and thought provoking, making me think about why I do what I do. Anyway, at one point in the movie, Bobby Jones sits down next to his friend during a golf match and says "The longer I play this game, the harder it gets."
Yeah, that pretty much says it all. That is exactly how I feel about this Christian journey. The more I learn and the longer I journey, the harder it gets!
Golf is a simple game - get the ball in the hole. Yet there is so much more to it. While that is the focus of the game, there are many obstacles and traps along the way. Not to mention the fact that every hole is different from the last, and must be approached a little differently within the structure of the game.
This causes me to reflect on the simplicity of it all - Jesus Christ. Is my focus on Him, alone. Is getting to know Him my goal? Or has my service for Him become my goal? Or my disciplines toward Him? Or my thoughts and teachings about Him? These things are wonderful, yet they are simply tools - our golf clubs, if you will - to get to know Him, get a little closer to Him with each stroke. If He, alone, is my goal, all else will come with. Yet, if I have any other goal, however noble or beautiful, I will miss the true goal altogether.
We have really complicated this Christian walk, haven't we? We have made it a maze, when in fact, it is a narrow path, traversed by the One who wishes us to follow Him. Yet, while it is simple, it is still difficult - so easy to get side-tracked or stuck, or feel as though we fallen 100 strokes behind. And just when we think we've got it, we move on the next hole, only to find it a little different from the last. I believe that God wants us to pursue Him. And not just pursue Him, but desire Him, long for Him, work for Him (though we do not have to); just as He pursues us, desires us, longs for us, and works for us. It is in the very simplicity of our journey with Christ that it feels so difficult. Sometimes I wonder if we make it difficult, just because we think it should be.
I know these thoughts feel scattered and incomplete, but so does this Christian life. So what is there to do? I cannot tell you that - I am simply thinking out-loud. I believe we must simply follow Jesus with all that we are, trusting Him around every bend, and giving Him all that we have and all that we are. We must use everything within us and around us to get to know Him a little better.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Paths
Psalm 121:7-8
The LORD will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
As much as I wish with all that I am that this verse was true all around, I have to come face-to-face with the fact that it is not. I have really been trying to look at Old Testament concepts and see them as spiritual concepts rather than physical, especially as a New Testament believer. It would be easy to see the promises that were physical for the Israelites, and believe them to be physical for me as well, but that is not necessarily true. And I desire to know what is true, not what I desire to be true.
This is one of those verses that would be easy to interpret as a promise encompassing all of life. Again, in some cases it may be true, however I know that many times it is the physical and emotional pain that causes the most growth in us. Yet, I do believe that God will keep us from all spiritual harm. OK, at this point I have to stop and wonder “what does that mean?”
I look at this passage and am reassured that no matter the situation, no matter the temptation, God will always offer us a path that is firm and free from slips and stumbles. He presents this path to us at every turn, every fork in the road. Now, whether we choose that path is another dilemma completely. However, the path is there for the traversing, should we choose it. And this path will keep us from stumbling, from sin, from spiritual harm.
God is watching over us. Not only does He watch over our physical “coming and going,” but I believe that He also watches over our spiritual “coming and going.” He sees us when we wane, when our hearts are far from Him, and our flame is barely even a spark. He sees us then, and He watches over us just as intently as when we are passionate and abandoned to Him. He watches over us with the eyes of a Father, a Lover, a Friend. Whether He feels near or far to us, whether we are aware of His presence or not, He is there, guiding us, watching us, and presenting us with the best possible path in our current circumstances.
Which path will you choose today?
The LORD will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
As much as I wish with all that I am that this verse was true all around, I have to come face-to-face with the fact that it is not. I have really been trying to look at Old Testament concepts and see them as spiritual concepts rather than physical, especially as a New Testament believer. It would be easy to see the promises that were physical for the Israelites, and believe them to be physical for me as well, but that is not necessarily true. And I desire to know what is true, not what I desire to be true.
This is one of those verses that would be easy to interpret as a promise encompassing all of life. Again, in some cases it may be true, however I know that many times it is the physical and emotional pain that causes the most growth in us. Yet, I do believe that God will keep us from all spiritual harm. OK, at this point I have to stop and wonder “what does that mean?”
I look at this passage and am reassured that no matter the situation, no matter the temptation, God will always offer us a path that is firm and free from slips and stumbles. He presents this path to us at every turn, every fork in the road. Now, whether we choose that path is another dilemma completely. However, the path is there for the traversing, should we choose it. And this path will keep us from stumbling, from sin, from spiritual harm.
God is watching over us. Not only does He watch over our physical “coming and going,” but I believe that He also watches over our spiritual “coming and going.” He sees us when we wane, when our hearts are far from Him, and our flame is barely even a spark. He sees us then, and He watches over us just as intently as when we are passionate and abandoned to Him. He watches over us with the eyes of a Father, a Lover, a Friend. Whether He feels near or far to us, whether we are aware of His presence or not, He is there, guiding us, watching us, and presenting us with the best possible path in our current circumstances.
Which path will you choose today?
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Be Blessed
Psalm 32:1-2
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
I can't count the number of times I have read these verses, thought briefly about them, and then quickly moved on to the next verse in this Psalm. Today, however, God moved in me and I spent a little more time thinking about them. At first glance I want to say, "Yes, I'm blessed because God has covered every bad choice I've made," thinking in past-tense. Yet today it occurred to me that every sin and transgression I ever have or will commit has been covered.
Of course we talk about that quite often - Jesus has forgiven ALL our sins, past, present, and future, but this was just another stark reminder of that reality. I think you may already know this, but I tend to dwell, unhealthily I might add, on all the things I do wrong and all the ways I fall short. What a blessing to be "told" that even in the midst of the sin, God does not count it against me!
Now, I am not saying we will not have consequences for our bad choices, or that we won't have to live with the results, but I am saying that God doesn't treat us as the sinners we are, but rather as the righteous children He is making us to be. Woo-hoo!! Hallelujah!!
I think my favorite part of this passage, though, is our being blessed when we have no deceit in our spirit. "I'm not a liar!" I want to scream. However, in context I think this is talking about something altogether different. I think David is reminding us that while God will not count our sins or transgressions against us, we also shouldn't just merrily skip through life, ignoring them in our lives completely. No, we still must acknowledge the sin in our lives, the bad choices. We must go before God and say "I screwed up . . . again." And then repent - turn from them and walk the other way. Ignorance is NOT bliss (as a matter of fact, ignorance of the law has never been an excuse, even in the Old Testament.)
So, if you have been wallowing in your sin, get up, brush yourself off, and count yourself blessed, because God does not count it against you! If, however, you have been ignoring some sin (whether big or little), perhaps calling it something it isn't, or somehow justifying it, you need to get on your knees, and come clean at the foot of the cross. Yes, there may be some consequences, and they will probably be painful, but God still counts you righteous, and the burden of guilt will be lifted from your shoulders.
May you be blessed, today!
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
I can't count the number of times I have read these verses, thought briefly about them, and then quickly moved on to the next verse in this Psalm. Today, however, God moved in me and I spent a little more time thinking about them. At first glance I want to say, "Yes, I'm blessed because God has covered every bad choice I've made," thinking in past-tense. Yet today it occurred to me that every sin and transgression I ever have or will commit has been covered.
Of course we talk about that quite often - Jesus has forgiven ALL our sins, past, present, and future, but this was just another stark reminder of that reality. I think you may already know this, but I tend to dwell, unhealthily I might add, on all the things I do wrong and all the ways I fall short. What a blessing to be "told" that even in the midst of the sin, God does not count it against me!
Now, I am not saying we will not have consequences for our bad choices, or that we won't have to live with the results, but I am saying that God doesn't treat us as the sinners we are, but rather as the righteous children He is making us to be. Woo-hoo!! Hallelujah!!
I think my favorite part of this passage, though, is our being blessed when we have no deceit in our spirit. "I'm not a liar!" I want to scream. However, in context I think this is talking about something altogether different. I think David is reminding us that while God will not count our sins or transgressions against us, we also shouldn't just merrily skip through life, ignoring them in our lives completely. No, we still must acknowledge the sin in our lives, the bad choices. We must go before God and say "I screwed up . . . again." And then repent - turn from them and walk the other way. Ignorance is NOT bliss (as a matter of fact, ignorance of the law has never been an excuse, even in the Old Testament.)
So, if you have been wallowing in your sin, get up, brush yourself off, and count yourself blessed, because God does not count it against you! If, however, you have been ignoring some sin (whether big or little), perhaps calling it something it isn't, or somehow justifying it, you need to get on your knees, and come clean at the foot of the cross. Yes, there may be some consequences, and they will probably be painful, but God still counts you righteous, and the burden of guilt will be lifted from your shoulders.
May you be blessed, today!
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Consumed by God
Ephesians 4:30
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
My daughter is becoming ever-more curious about Jesus, sin, salvation, and everything in-between. We often talk about how we ask Jesus into our lives and hearts and live for Him. She insists she bowed her knee to him last April - I continue watching for the fruit of that transformation, and am beginning to see the little, baby spiritual buds popping out here-and-there.
Well, all this talk of "Jesus in our hearts" has got me thinking about that concept. I have been thinking about how we tend to live our lives as though we have taken Christ in and enveloped Him, making Him a part of us. We live as though He is our genie, called on in times of distress or despair; tucked away when we want to indulge in a "little harmless" sin (after-all, He'll forgive us!); molded into our version of Him (currently 6.0); loved and obeyed when it is easy and/or beneficial (church is a great place to make business contacts, after-all!).
However, it should be the other way around, shouldn't it? We need to be taken into Christ, enveloped in Him - in His way of living, His thoughts, His actions, His love. We are the ones that need to be molded to Him, calling on Him at all times, living in a constant awareness of His passionate love for us, resulting in obedience (even in the oh-so tempting moments) because we want to please Him and make Him proud! Just as Ephesians 4:30 says, He has sealed us, as though we have been bottled and corked by El Shaddai Bottling Inc.
We need to re-focus and re-think this: we have not taken Him in, doing Him some immense favor; He has taken us in, full of grace and mercy, love and compassion. So, the next thing we need to ask ourselves is this: Are we living lives having been completely consumed by God?
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
My daughter is becoming ever-more curious about Jesus, sin, salvation, and everything in-between. We often talk about how we ask Jesus into our lives and hearts and live for Him. She insists she bowed her knee to him last April - I continue watching for the fruit of that transformation, and am beginning to see the little, baby spiritual buds popping out here-and-there.
Well, all this talk of "Jesus in our hearts" has got me thinking about that concept. I have been thinking about how we tend to live our lives as though we have taken Christ in and enveloped Him, making Him a part of us. We live as though He is our genie, called on in times of distress or despair; tucked away when we want to indulge in a "little harmless" sin (after-all, He'll forgive us!); molded into our version of Him (currently 6.0); loved and obeyed when it is easy and/or beneficial (church is a great place to make business contacts, after-all!).
However, it should be the other way around, shouldn't it? We need to be taken into Christ, enveloped in Him - in His way of living, His thoughts, His actions, His love. We are the ones that need to be molded to Him, calling on Him at all times, living in a constant awareness of His passionate love for us, resulting in obedience (even in the oh-so tempting moments) because we want to please Him and make Him proud! Just as Ephesians 4:30 says, He has sealed us, as though we have been bottled and corked by El Shaddai Bottling Inc.
We need to re-focus and re-think this: we have not taken Him in, doing Him some immense favor; He has taken us in, full of grace and mercy, love and compassion. So, the next thing we need to ask ourselves is this: Are we living lives having been completely consumed by God?
Saturday, January 13, 2007
God's Pursuit
Philippians 1:3-6
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
I love this passage, as it really speaks of my heart right now. First, I must ask you to forgive my absence – I have been sick, and fought a headache for about 4 days. It got to the point to where I could hardly think!! (Not that I’m much better without a headache, but at least I can form semi-understandable thoughts.) Anyway, when I am unable to “meet” with you, I find that I think about you more often. I am thankful for you and your understanding, when I do not meet with you daily. However, I have to admit that I also begin to beat myself up, and I begin to wonder if you think I am lazy or apathetic. I truly am my own worst critic.
As I’ve thought about this tendency in my life (not just with the Morning SonRise, but with everything, especially everything spiritual . . . which I guess for me is pretty much everything), I thought about a quote I read from Eugene Peterson, who translated The Message. Now, I’m not going to be able to get this word-for-word, so I’m just going to have to paraphrase it for you. Basically, he said that his life was completely changed when he came to the realization that God was infinitely more interested in a relationship with him than he was with God. He talked about how he started to just calm down, he stopped fretting about everything he did wrong, stopped his frantic reaching and striving, and he started taking the time to notice God pursuing him every day in ways he had never noticed before.
I have been thinking a lot about that interview I read and I have really been trying to do the same. I try to notice God’s pursuit of me everyday, and stop beating myself up over the little things, like not getting a chance to send out a daily devotional.
Perhaps you need to do the same?
Do you need to stop fretting over all the things you’re not doing, and just start enjoying the things you are? Do you need to get your focus off your “to do” list and start focusing on God and all the ways He is reaching out to you each day? Perhaps you just need to stop and realize that God is so much more interested in your relationship than you are. If this is you, then know that you are not alone – I am right there with you. Perhaps together we can begin to cut ourselves some slack, and let God reach into our hectic but mundane lives and give us some passion, some peace, some excitement, some love, and some of the sweet relationship we always seem to be striving for.
God started this thing in us, let’s let Him finish it – shall we?
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
I love this passage, as it really speaks of my heart right now. First, I must ask you to forgive my absence – I have been sick, and fought a headache for about 4 days. It got to the point to where I could hardly think!! (Not that I’m much better without a headache, but at least I can form semi-understandable thoughts.) Anyway, when I am unable to “meet” with you, I find that I think about you more often. I am thankful for you and your understanding, when I do not meet with you daily. However, I have to admit that I also begin to beat myself up, and I begin to wonder if you think I am lazy or apathetic. I truly am my own worst critic.
As I’ve thought about this tendency in my life (not just with the Morning SonRise, but with everything, especially everything spiritual . . . which I guess for me is pretty much everything), I thought about a quote I read from Eugene Peterson, who translated The Message. Now, I’m not going to be able to get this word-for-word, so I’m just going to have to paraphrase it for you. Basically, he said that his life was completely changed when he came to the realization that God was infinitely more interested in a relationship with him than he was with God. He talked about how he started to just calm down, he stopped fretting about everything he did wrong, stopped his frantic reaching and striving, and he started taking the time to notice God pursuing him every day in ways he had never noticed before.
I have been thinking a lot about that interview I read and I have really been trying to do the same. I try to notice God’s pursuit of me everyday, and stop beating myself up over the little things, like not getting a chance to send out a daily devotional.
Perhaps you need to do the same?
Do you need to stop fretting over all the things you’re not doing, and just start enjoying the things you are? Do you need to get your focus off your “to do” list and start focusing on God and all the ways He is reaching out to you each day? Perhaps you just need to stop and realize that God is so much more interested in your relationship than you are. If this is you, then know that you are not alone – I am right there with you. Perhaps together we can begin to cut ourselves some slack, and let God reach into our hectic but mundane lives and give us some passion, some peace, some excitement, some love, and some of the sweet relationship we always seem to be striving for.
God started this thing in us, let’s let Him finish it – shall we?
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
My Jesus
Psalm 18:1
I love you, O LORD, my strength.
My strength. My love. My life. My breath. My joy. My peace. My sanity. My purity. My time. My resource. My body. My senses. My rest. My desire. My passion. My heart. My soul.
My everything.
I love you, O LORD, my strength.
My strength. My love. My life. My breath. My joy. My peace. My sanity. My purity. My time. My resource. My body. My senses. My rest. My desire. My passion. My heart. My soul.
My everything.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
An Answer...
Isaiah 65:24
And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.
I started using a brand new prayer journal today, and this is the verse on the first page. HA-HA!! Doesn't God have the greatest sense of humor? "Before they call, I will answer." (emphasis mine) Hmmm...
I've been talking about God not responding, and here He's responding back "I've already sent the answer."
I think, perhaps, that you and I get so wrapped up in talking to God and our expectations to hear an answer that sometimes we neglect to simply be silent and wait for it.
I remember when I was working and my daughter was 1-1/2 years old, I was desperate to be a stay-at-home mom. I would beg and plead with God daily to make it work. Finally, God was doing a work in my life, and I decided to stop pretending He didn't hear me. I simply told Him, "I would like to be at home with Regann by the time she is 2. You know my heart and my desires, I'm going to stop begging you for this, and just start waiting and watching for Your answer, trusting You to do what is right and what is best for all of us." Within that month we were told her daycare center would be shutting down. Then Chris was temporarily promoted to supervisor, making my working part-time (so we could take turns caring for her) nearly impossible to work out. My last day of work was August 13, 2003, Regann's 2nd birthday.
Yeah, we get so wrapped up in talking to God, pleading with Him, and tugging on His robes, that we forget to simply trust that He has heard us and start waiting and watching for the answer that is already on its way. It may not look like we expect (chances are it won't), but if we are quiet, and truly waiting on the Lord, we will know His answer when it comes, and it will be ever-more delightful than we anticipated!
And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.
I started using a brand new prayer journal today, and this is the verse on the first page. HA-HA!! Doesn't God have the greatest sense of humor? "Before they call, I will answer." (emphasis mine) Hmmm...
I've been talking about God not responding, and here He's responding back "I've already sent the answer."
I think, perhaps, that you and I get so wrapped up in talking to God and our expectations to hear an answer that sometimes we neglect to simply be silent and wait for it.
I remember when I was working and my daughter was 1-1/2 years old, I was desperate to be a stay-at-home mom. I would beg and plead with God daily to make it work. Finally, God was doing a work in my life, and I decided to stop pretending He didn't hear me. I simply told Him, "I would like to be at home with Regann by the time she is 2. You know my heart and my desires, I'm going to stop begging you for this, and just start waiting and watching for Your answer, trusting You to do what is right and what is best for all of us." Within that month we were told her daycare center would be shutting down. Then Chris was temporarily promoted to supervisor, making my working part-time (so we could take turns caring for her) nearly impossible to work out. My last day of work was August 13, 2003, Regann's 2nd birthday.
Yeah, we get so wrapped up in talking to God, pleading with Him, and tugging on His robes, that we forget to simply trust that He has heard us and start waiting and watching for the answer that is already on its way. It may not look like we expect (chances are it won't), but if we are quiet, and truly waiting on the Lord, we will know His answer when it comes, and it will be ever-more delightful than we anticipated!
Friday, January 05, 2007
God is Near
Perhaps it is my clogged ears, from my cold, but I still seem to be listening to a silent God. I had a friend write, commiserating with me about how it is difficult to pray and not hear anything in response. Or else not hear what you want to hear. Amen! I do not think the issue for me here is that God is not talking. I think perhaps, I'm just not listening to what He's trying to say. I'm not "hearing" what He's trying to communicate to me on so many different levels.
First, as a dear friend pointed out to me, I do not take very good care of myself. Even with a cold, I find that I am pushing myself beyond what I should. I need to give myself time to heal and gain strength. I need to take care of myself, otherwise what good am I to Him. I did, you'll be happy to know, start taking vitamins - multi, calcium, and even Omega 3 fatty acids (or something like that - basically fish oil, since we aren't much of a fish family). I think my body is hurting and aching far more than it should be at my age. I go and go and go until I cannot go anymore, and even then I go some more! God has been calling me to slow down, as I prepare to step into another busy season of ministry. Perhaps that is why He's being quiet, so I can get some sleep.
The other thing I need to remember (and I need to remind myself of this one at least once a month) is that this is a relationship. And just like any other relationship it is shifting, changing, in motion. It is growing. Perhaps God was so vivid and obvious to me at first because that is what I needed, that is what the relationship drew forth from Him. Now, however, we have grown more intimate, and so His musings are quieter. I don't know. I know that He is drawing me in, and bringing me along to where He needs me to be, and I have to trust that this is a part of that process. A part of my growth. Our growth into each other.
Whatever it may be, I know that God is here - I can never doubt that. I know that He is here, and that He loves each of us deeply. Every time I even think of questioning that, I just have to think back on my life over the last 7 years or so, and I can see His hand so vivid, so large, that there is no way I could every question Him or His activity in my life. I pray you can do the same!Be blessed, dear one, and wherever you may be on your journey, whether you are right where I am, were once here, are have yet to pass this way, take courage in knowing that God is not done with you yet! He is drawing each of us in to Himself and preparing us for what lies ahead, including eternal life by His glorious side!!
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
First, as a dear friend pointed out to me, I do not take very good care of myself. Even with a cold, I find that I am pushing myself beyond what I should. I need to give myself time to heal and gain strength. I need to take care of myself, otherwise what good am I to Him. I did, you'll be happy to know, start taking vitamins - multi, calcium, and even Omega 3 fatty acids (or something like that - basically fish oil, since we aren't much of a fish family). I think my body is hurting and aching far more than it should be at my age. I go and go and go until I cannot go anymore, and even then I go some more! God has been calling me to slow down, as I prepare to step into another busy season of ministry. Perhaps that is why He's being quiet, so I can get some sleep.
The other thing I need to remember (and I need to remind myself of this one at least once a month) is that this is a relationship. And just like any other relationship it is shifting, changing, in motion. It is growing. Perhaps God was so vivid and obvious to me at first because that is what I needed, that is what the relationship drew forth from Him. Now, however, we have grown more intimate, and so His musings are quieter. I don't know. I know that He is drawing me in, and bringing me along to where He needs me to be, and I have to trust that this is a part of that process. A part of my growth. Our growth into each other.
Whatever it may be, I know that God is here - I can never doubt that. I know that He is here, and that He loves each of us deeply. Every time I even think of questioning that, I just have to think back on my life over the last 7 years or so, and I can see His hand so vivid, so large, that there is no way I could every question Him or His activity in my life. I pray you can do the same!Be blessed, dear one, and wherever you may be on your journey, whether you are right where I am, were once here, are have yet to pass this way, take courage in knowing that God is not done with you yet! He is drawing each of us in to Himself and preparing us for what lies ahead, including eternal life by His glorious side!!
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Gone Missing
I sit here staring at my computer screen. The minutes are ticking by, yet nothing comes to me. I am blank. I ask God for something to share. Again, nothing. I stare some more, until I finally decide that I want to go to bed, and I'd better just start typing. My hope is that putting mere words on the page will loosen the plug in my brain and allow the great thoughts, full of wisdom and great knowledge to start flowing. HA! Alas, it does not work that way.
It occurs to me that lately I seem to have a lot of times when I am seeking God, and He seems to be silent. I ask for a message, and none comes . . . or at least not until the very last moment, leaving me sweaty and nervous, afraid that I'll mess up and forget something, due to my seeming lack of practice and preparation. Perhaps this is His way of keeping me clinging to Him throughout the message. I'm sure I have much to learn. I also think He gets a laugh out of it, because I inevitably spring a leak in my right arm pit and find myself looking like a T-Rex with an arm that can barely reach my nose, afraid to gesture freely and scare everyone within eye-shot of my arm-pit. (This is no lie, friends, you can ask my Bible study on Thursday nights. I have started buying and wearing jackets for this very reason. I've tried changing deodorant, to no avail. Again, I think God just likes to laugh at me sometimes. And I would imagine that I deserve it, somehow.)
Ah, but I digress. OK, so the whole point of this thought today is to simply commiserate with you over all the times we reach out to God and He seems to be absent. Aloof. Gone. Busy. Uncaring. Not felt that?? Well then, you're the lucky one! I sometimes wonder if I've tuned my ears to the wrong channel completely - God is screaming, but I just seem to be listening to the wrong guy. Why, I ask you? Why do I go through spells like this? It is miserable! There is nothing I miss more than the timbre of God's voice in my spiritual ear. I long for nothing outside of His heavenly breath on my neck as He speaks to me in words audible only to my heart. His presence warms me. His insight is sustenance for my body.
Yet, I wonder if there are times when I simply take Him for granted. His wisdom and guidance become normal, a nuisance to be obeyed or ignored. I run to Him only when I need a message, or devotional. I do not spend time listening apart from my ministry duties, or I fall into a pattern of not being awed by the fact that the God of the universe wishes to know me, love me, hold me, and speak to me. He is so far above me, and I should be nothing to Him. Yet, in fact, I am everything to Him. And so are you.
Tonight I miss Him. I miss Him desperately. And with each word I add to this page, I feel my heart pounding with longing for and the anticipation of the sweet whisper of Jesus. I can sense His approach . . . can you?
It occurs to me that lately I seem to have a lot of times when I am seeking God, and He seems to be silent. I ask for a message, and none comes . . . or at least not until the very last moment, leaving me sweaty and nervous, afraid that I'll mess up and forget something, due to my seeming lack of practice and preparation. Perhaps this is His way of keeping me clinging to Him throughout the message. I'm sure I have much to learn. I also think He gets a laugh out of it, because I inevitably spring a leak in my right arm pit and find myself looking like a T-Rex with an arm that can barely reach my nose, afraid to gesture freely and scare everyone within eye-shot of my arm-pit. (This is no lie, friends, you can ask my Bible study on Thursday nights. I have started buying and wearing jackets for this very reason. I've tried changing deodorant, to no avail. Again, I think God just likes to laugh at me sometimes. And I would imagine that I deserve it, somehow.)
Ah, but I digress. OK, so the whole point of this thought today is to simply commiserate with you over all the times we reach out to God and He seems to be absent. Aloof. Gone. Busy. Uncaring. Not felt that?? Well then, you're the lucky one! I sometimes wonder if I've tuned my ears to the wrong channel completely - God is screaming, but I just seem to be listening to the wrong guy. Why, I ask you? Why do I go through spells like this? It is miserable! There is nothing I miss more than the timbre of God's voice in my spiritual ear. I long for nothing outside of His heavenly breath on my neck as He speaks to me in words audible only to my heart. His presence warms me. His insight is sustenance for my body.
Yet, I wonder if there are times when I simply take Him for granted. His wisdom and guidance become normal, a nuisance to be obeyed or ignored. I run to Him only when I need a message, or devotional. I do not spend time listening apart from my ministry duties, or I fall into a pattern of not being awed by the fact that the God of the universe wishes to know me, love me, hold me, and speak to me. He is so far above me, and I should be nothing to Him. Yet, in fact, I am everything to Him. And so are you.
Tonight I miss Him. I miss Him desperately. And with each word I add to this page, I feel my heart pounding with longing for and the anticipation of the sweet whisper of Jesus. I can sense His approach . . . can you?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Treasuring God's Word
Psalm 119:65-72
Do good to your servant according to your word, O LORD. Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
God’s Word is so good, isn’t it? I can look at this passage and see about 10 different things I could write on, yet one thing really sticks out to me – the last sentence.
We can see here that God teaches us (mainly through His Word) that He is good, His Word is good, and that learning and obeying God’s decrees is beneficial to us (not just something we do to keep God happy). And while I could wholeheartedly pray just about every word of this passage, I would really have to stop and make sure I could honestly say that last sentence.
Oh, I know I should be able to pray it. I know that I should treasure God’s Word far more than worldly wealth, and I could probably even say that I do. But then I have to wonder – does my life reflect such priorities?
If someone told me I would get $1000 for simply getting out of bed early, and hanging out with them on my couch for 30 minutes while we talk, I can tell you I would set my alarm and still probably get up before it went off. Yet here I am, ashamed to say that I struggle daily with getting out of bed to spend time with Jesus in the Word. This does not reflect a life that desires and treasures the Word of God above worldly riches.
Oh, how I desire to have a heart that can earnestly shout that last sentence! I can think of nothing more profitable than knowing God and His Word better than I know myself. So why can I not put it into action and stay there? I have a million excuses and then some, yet the truth comes down to the fact that I do not value the Word the way I need to.
Take a few moments and pray with me right now. Pray that God would give us a true desire to seek Him in His Word every day. Pray that He would drive us to it, doing whatever He must, brining us to the point where we would give up anything and everything just to meet Him daily in the midst of those beautiful, crisp, crinkly pages.
Do good to your servant according to your word, O LORD. Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
God’s Word is so good, isn’t it? I can look at this passage and see about 10 different things I could write on, yet one thing really sticks out to me – the last sentence.
We can see here that God teaches us (mainly through His Word) that He is good, His Word is good, and that learning and obeying God’s decrees is beneficial to us (not just something we do to keep God happy). And while I could wholeheartedly pray just about every word of this passage, I would really have to stop and make sure I could honestly say that last sentence.
Oh, I know I should be able to pray it. I know that I should treasure God’s Word far more than worldly wealth, and I could probably even say that I do. But then I have to wonder – does my life reflect such priorities?
If someone told me I would get $1000 for simply getting out of bed early, and hanging out with them on my couch for 30 minutes while we talk, I can tell you I would set my alarm and still probably get up before it went off. Yet here I am, ashamed to say that I struggle daily with getting out of bed to spend time with Jesus in the Word. This does not reflect a life that desires and treasures the Word of God above worldly riches.
Oh, how I desire to have a heart that can earnestly shout that last sentence! I can think of nothing more profitable than knowing God and His Word better than I know myself. So why can I not put it into action and stay there? I have a million excuses and then some, yet the truth comes down to the fact that I do not value the Word the way I need to.
Take a few moments and pray with me right now. Pray that God would give us a true desire to seek Him in His Word every day. Pray that He would drive us to it, doing whatever He must, brining us to the point where we would give up anything and everything just to meet Him daily in the midst of those beautiful, crisp, crinkly pages.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year!
Hello friends and co-laborers in Christ!
I pray your Christmas was wonderful and filled with the magic of Christ. I had a delightful time up north with my family and all the snow God sent our way. There were some truly humbling, magical times, there were some comical times (generally because yours truly was acting like a goofus), and some down-right embarrassing times (see parenthesis above). I think I can speak for my whole family when I say it was one of our best Christmases ever!
I have been resting, and thoroughly enjoying the break from all things ministry (mostly). I was able to do some reading and take some time to simply seek Jesus for me and me alone. It was not nearly long enough, and yet I am ready to jump back into the action!
So, here we are on the dawn of a new year. A year full of surprises – love, loss, joy, sorrow, great elation, and utter depression. I do not know what the year holds for me or you, but I am ready to go, aren’t you? Rather than making a New Year’s Resolution, I tend to spend this time of year reflecting on the year past and all that God brought me through, all that He taught me. Was the year a success or a failure? Did I do what I felt God had for me to do? Or did I turn tail and run?
I can almost always say that I should be “further” along than I am. I’m not sure I know a single person who doesn’t hesitate ever-so-slightly at least once in a while. Yet, when my year was a good one, full of spiritual fruit and prosperity, it’s always difficult to say “good-bye” and welcome a new beginning. Now, give me a bad year and I am always ready to walk away and have a new start. And somehow, that is exactly what it feels like, doesn’t it? Like opening a new book, or starting a new journal, a new year feels like a second chance, a way to reinvigorate life, and step out a little more boldly!
I had a wonderful year – oh, it had its down times, but it was overall very good. Yet, I am glad to wave it good-bye and see what 2007 has in-store. Good or bad, I know that God has great plans for me, and I can say that He has great plans for you as well. I love the thought that I am one more year mature (I finally hit 30 this year – talk about “mature” – HA!), I have one more year of experience under my belt, one more year of hanging out with Jesus. I also love that this puts me one year closer to seeing His sweet face in-person, and one year closer to realizing His purpose for my life.
My wish for each of us this year is that we would follow God’s plans for our lives wholeheartedly, with no hesitation. I pray that we would step out boldly, passionately, no matter the risk, no matter the blackness that haunts us and tells us to turn back. I pray that you and I would simply trust the One who knows the plan, taking His hand, all while thoroughly enjoying the company!
Happy New Year!
I pray your Christmas was wonderful and filled with the magic of Christ. I had a delightful time up north with my family and all the snow God sent our way. There were some truly humbling, magical times, there were some comical times (generally because yours truly was acting like a goofus), and some down-right embarrassing times (see parenthesis above). I think I can speak for my whole family when I say it was one of our best Christmases ever!
I have been resting, and thoroughly enjoying the break from all things ministry (mostly). I was able to do some reading and take some time to simply seek Jesus for me and me alone. It was not nearly long enough, and yet I am ready to jump back into the action!
So, here we are on the dawn of a new year. A year full of surprises – love, loss, joy, sorrow, great elation, and utter depression. I do not know what the year holds for me or you, but I am ready to go, aren’t you? Rather than making a New Year’s Resolution, I tend to spend this time of year reflecting on the year past and all that God brought me through, all that He taught me. Was the year a success or a failure? Did I do what I felt God had for me to do? Or did I turn tail and run?
I can almost always say that I should be “further” along than I am. I’m not sure I know a single person who doesn’t hesitate ever-so-slightly at least once in a while. Yet, when my year was a good one, full of spiritual fruit and prosperity, it’s always difficult to say “good-bye” and welcome a new beginning. Now, give me a bad year and I am always ready to walk away and have a new start. And somehow, that is exactly what it feels like, doesn’t it? Like opening a new book, or starting a new journal, a new year feels like a second chance, a way to reinvigorate life, and step out a little more boldly!
I had a wonderful year – oh, it had its down times, but it was overall very good. Yet, I am glad to wave it good-bye and see what 2007 has in-store. Good or bad, I know that God has great plans for me, and I can say that He has great plans for you as well. I love the thought that I am one more year mature (I finally hit 30 this year – talk about “mature” – HA!), I have one more year of experience under my belt, one more year of hanging out with Jesus. I also love that this puts me one year closer to seeing His sweet face in-person, and one year closer to realizing His purpose for my life.
My wish for each of us this year is that we would follow God’s plans for our lives wholeheartedly, with no hesitation. I pray that we would step out boldly, passionately, no matter the risk, no matter the blackness that haunts us and tells us to turn back. I pray that you and I would simply trust the One who knows the plan, taking His hand, all while thoroughly enjoying the company!
Happy New Year!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
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